Book Evaluation: The Book of Eibon by Eibon (????)

I cannot take a picture of this book. I call it a book, but I do not think that is what it truly is. It is something beyond that, something that transcends that knowledge.

All I know is that I cannot take a picture of it.

I found it days ago, tucked behind one of the wheels of my car. There was not a note or any sign of acknowledgement of me. I assume that means I was given it randomly, although I can't believe that's true after all the things that have transpired. This book is something else entirely, a collection of stories, none of which seem even remotely plausible, but all of which I absolutely believe in every fiber of my being.

The accounts are insane, painting pictures too strange to be anything but lunacy. That's exactly what I thought when I read the slightly faded, but still legible text, mostly in English, although an older English than what we speak now, with some Latin sections thrown in. It is not a traditional book with cover page and a title. While the cover says "THE BOOK OF EIBON" the first page inside puts that title into Latin: Liber Ivonis.

The stories involve a wizard, the titular Eibon, going on various adventures across the stars, and speaking the truths that we have so far refused to accept. The Vale of Pnath is covered in detail, as are the horrors found within. I read about the terrible dread worms, dholes, that seek pathways through the vale, often eating each other and themselves. They would like to feast on the dead more than anything else, but few venture to that place anymore. Who knows where the Vale of Pnath even is?

I do.

There are maps.

There are also night-gaunts there. I saw a rough drawing of one.

I will never sleep again. Closing my eyes, I can see their faceless faces, their utter silence, and their unending pursuit. They know.

They know.

Shaggai. I don't even want to speak of that planet or its insect race. It is simply too terrible and alien to think about. I would rather dwell on other things than ever read that passage again.

The old ones. I cannot speak of them. And yet, in here, it says how to kill one. How to kill an old one. it is like killing a god. And in killing a god, one must also kill the universe. I can't read it again. I mustn't. Thoughts swirl around in my head, and the book dropped out of my hands, forever gone.

But I', being stalked now, stalked and searched by things that know I've read the forbidden texts. They are not forbidden because they simply should not be read. They are forbidden because there are things in this world that the human mind should never be able to comprehend, things in this world that are too dangerous, evil, or insane for the human mind to take into itself.

They ideas, these words, these very thoughts, they can change you. Not in a figurative sense but rather in a very literal way. I have started to grow large black wings. The alchemical knowledge I have gained scares me. My eyes grow dim. The light hurts my eyes. Even typing this now is more pain than I can easily handle. I move silently, and my mind is now always on something far away. A vale, perhaps, one that is empty besides those who also know. I should seek it out perhaps. I know where it is now.

The book may be gone. But I have gained so much from it... even though it has changed me in the process. My body and mind are different. I wonder, vaguely, what Eibon was.

But I cannot dwell on such things now. There are important things to do before everything is made ready. Oh, Tsathoggua, just wait. Soon there shall be an awakening like you have never known before.

Only a little bit longer.

And then...

Movie Appraisal: The Beyond (E tu vivrai nel terrore! L'aldilà) (The Seven Doors of Death) (1981)

The Beyond, an Italian horror film by Lucio Fulci with Lovecraftian influences is an interesting study in horror and gore. The film takes place in Louisiana and it actually does a good job with the setting, something that I think it a huge improvement over many modern films that attempt to capitalize on the rural setting of horror... like the terrible The Reaping, which is easily one of my least favorite films that I have ever seen.

This film starts off with a lot of "blood and gore," and a fairly brutal death scene of a certain male. It could be considered to be very gory if the blood effects didn't look so obviously fake, which is fine with me since I don't like incredibly gory films anyway. So, the fake gore actually raises my opinion of this film quite a bit.

The Book of Eibon also plays a role. It is a fictional book created and used by H. P. Lovecraft in some of his stories. It's one of those forbidden books like the Necronomicon, for instance. That's primarily where I say that there are Lovecraftian influences are from.

The main character (Catriona MacColl) is interesting and plays her part interesting, with a combination between  innocent and not very nice at all. It's very rare to see that outside of a David Lynch film, for instance. Then again, I've never been incredibly partial to Italian horror films, with this one only being my second or third one that I've ever watched.

The lack of dialogue in some parts is incredibly effective, relying instead on sounds and music to get points across, which, in my opinion, any great horror movie should be able to do.

Then, the main male, the handsome, square-jawed doctor (who I also think is probably the coroner),  is introduced. He takes on the role of the one who doesn't actually believe what's going on in the hotel.

So, this movie really does have everything, ghosts, zombie-like horrors from beyond the grave, blind girls, fairly horrific death scenes, and really weirdly acted and unnerving scenes. I mean, the movie does become fairly unnerving. You just know that bad things are going to happen to every character, and you have to watch it. You have no choice. And there's something almost sadistically wrong with that and yet amazingly right as well.

Oh, man, there are freaking spiders and this is not cool.This is surprisingly not cool and kind of uncomfortable to watch. Why are there giant spiders out of nowhere? What are they going to....? Oh, no... Gosh, those spiders have some amazingly strong mandibles and pulling power. I had never thought that they were so strong before. Wow, that whole mutilation scene was graphic, hard to watch, and really effective. Man, that was good.

And with books and pages of books appearing and disappearing at will, the whole question of what is real and what isn't real obviously must be asked, as well as the other universes theories... I mean, these are all things that come to mind. They have to to anybody who's paying any attention and knows anything about the source material.

Zombies, why did there have to be zombies? Man, that blind lady ghost thing, Emily, really does a great job at acting both horrified and blood-thirsty. Her dog is also kind of awesome, then he... uh... he rips her throat out and murders her... or something...? Because now he's a zombie, I assume? Huh... did I mention that this film makes only marginal sense at times?

The ending sequence, or about the last half-hour of the film or so, is completely surreal, becoming simultaneously a zombie movie and something insanely weird as well. A strange fog persists throughout and people, real people, are few and far between except for the two leads. As the movie ends they enter a landscape seen before in the film, that of a painting that the artist who was basically lynched at the beginning of the film, was painting. It's absolutely beautiful in execution, even though it is also incredibly dark as they both go blind, wandering a painting with bodies on the ground, presumably forever.

So, this movie is all over the place, but is surprisingly effective. I tend to like 1980s horror films because they try so hard to do so much, and I have to respect that. They really drive the idea of an actually effective horror film home. Yes, this is a very dark film with a very unhappy ending, but it has so many wonderful, almost ethereal set-pieces, beautiful in their in its horrific imagery and elements.

Is this a truly scary movie? Not really. It has elements that could be considered scary, the gore, the whole philosophy of horror it presents, but ultimately many of the scares are easy to see coming, and the ones that aren't tend to be of the jump scare variety. Couple that with the terrible screaming from the entire female cast... (What is it about Italian horror that it has to feature a woman screaming so often that it becomes annoying rather than scary?)... and a soundtrack that at times would seem more at home in a Spaghetti western, and this film seems odd in its horror.

Yes, I liked this movie, but I also like surreal horror. I think it's wonderful, but for the person who is not expecting it, I think this would be a very strange film indeed. I have to restate that this film is gorgeous all around though. The directing and cinematography are incredibly well done, and even the dubbing is fairly effective, only being noticeable within the film once or twice. Lucio Fulci, you have exceeded my expectations with The Beyond and I commend you for it. I've seen other Italian horror films and they didn't thrill me whereas... well... this one kind of did. I was happy to have seen it and I wouldn't mind checking out more of his films to hopefully see more of the same.

Anyway, check it out if you get the chance. You'll see a highly effective and beautifully done horror/gore/zombie film in the process.