Movie Appraisal: Dragonheart (1996)

Dragonheart is one of those movies that I grew up on. I mean, sure, I was all of seven when it came out, but I still saw this movie in a movie theater. Oh, yes indeed, I did. And I absolutely loved it back then. Recently at a book fair, I found the DVD of this movie, bought it, and watched the whole thing for the first time in years. How does it hold up for a huge fan of it when he was seven? Well, let's see.

I have to say that I love this movie up and down. It's a fantasy film that works in every conceivable way. It has a freaking dragon, who's actually a good guy. It has a knight that actually acts and seems like a knight. It has a tough '90's-styled female character who can take care of herself despite this movie taking place in 984 in England. Hell, it even looks really good. The CGI, although early CGI, is actually ridiculously good and works better than it ever should have. Oh, and the movie even has a message to take home, that the guy that you think you know may just be an absolute jerk and you might not know it.

Dennis Quaid is so good in this movie as Bowen. I mean, I'm certainly not the biggest fan of Dennis Quaid, but he was great in Pandorum and he's fantastic in this movie. I could watch him running around getting into trouble all day long. Hell, give me a series based off of him doing stuff, and I'd be ridiculously happy. Sean Connery shines as Draco the dragon. His voice coming out of the dragon's mouth, just seems to work against all logic and rational thought. And I love it. Pete Postlethwaite plays Brother Gilbert, a somewhat poetic traveling monk who helps Bowen at various points in the adventure. He is seriously amazing in the movie, showing off both seriousness and comedy. And the best part is that both make sense when it comes to the character. Dina Meyer plays Kara, the tough female of the movie, and she's very fun to watch at times even if her character's motivation can be summed up by nothing more than It's the 1990s! Julie Christie and David Thewlis also star as the mother of the king and the King of the kingdom in the movie. David Thewlis shines as the villain of the piece. He really does a great job at making the watcher hate him.

Anyway, the movie is a typical fantasy story about rebels taking over a kingdom with the help of a dragon. There's some good morality, some '90s humor, very good characterizations and acting, a great soundtrack, and in general one of the best tones from any movie that I grew up on. I mean, the film really does hold up quite well even after sixteen years. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it again, laughing at bits, feeling sad at other bits, and I simply had a great time reliving the experience of watching it.

This movie is one that I can certainly recommend to anybody who's willing to watch it with an open-mind. It was a good kid's movie back in my day (even though it's rated PG-13), and I think it works as a kid's movie just as much as The Lord of the Rings does. The humor and brilliant storytelling would really make any child look up at this film and be interested. It really is one of the movies that defined my childhood. Hell, along with Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Aladdin, and Jumanji it is probably one of the best movie memories of my childhood.

Anyway, this isn't going to be a long review. Not much more I can say. It's a standard fantasy film that works incredibly well, and looks and sounds absolutely fantastic. This movie is the very definition, for me, of what a fantasy film should be along with The Lord of the Rings and maybe Willow.

Movie Appraisal: How to Train Your Dragon (2010)

So, here's a fun movie here that was really nice and watchable.

All right, I'm going to admit that I have no idea how to review a movie like this. I don't even know what kind of genre this is. I AM LIKE A FISH OUT OF WATER REVIEWING THIS SUCKER. I'm used to horror, psychological horror, video games, horror, psychological... oh... I already said that. So, this child movie is kind of throwing me down, beating me up, and stealing all my lunch money, and I don't really know what to do. I'm basically letting this movie run off with my lunch money. I'm not even chasing the film down, tackling it to the ground, and then shoving its face in the snow, like I would do once upon a time if anybody dared to steal the lunch money of the Saquarry. I can be vicious is what I'm saying, like a small angry weasel of death come to reap your soul. Why would I reap your soul? WHY NOT?

Okay... okay... so, yeah... getting to the review... because I'm reviewing this. This is happening. I'm telling you I'm going to review a child movie full of dragons and tiny young people who kind of freak me out a little. What is with tiny young people anyway? Why are they so small and stupid? Oh, and if you are one of these children people (Children is such a stupid word.) then you should not tell me about it, because I... What am I doing here? Why am I ranting about how small things kind of freak me out? I think I'm supposed to be telling everybody reading this what I thought about this movie and probably making you either want to watch it because I'm a perverse individual full of hatred or because I'm a nice guy who thinks you'd enjoy it.

All right... All right... This is a good film. It was fun to watch. Kind of cute. I didn't mind the cuteness too much, but if there was an inch more of cuteness I would puked stakes of fire out of my nose. Yes, you don't understand. Cutesy films are not my kind of thing. This one wasn't bad though. I thought the plot was fun. The characters were interesting, but contrived. The whole Viking thing was interesting and silly, but also kind of fun as well. The imagery was pretty cool. The main dragon himself was neat, good ol' Toothless. The main character wasn't too annoying and I didn't mind him all that much.

Basically I did like this film even though it was WAY OUT OF THE WAY not my kind of genre. Basically this is about as far away from my genre of choice without getting into romantic comedy that I will allow myself to get. Romantic comedy makes me shoot suns of doom from every orifice of my body. So, I tend to avoid romantic comedies, especially those that involve that certain blonde that I'm not fond of or that guy who's in like every romantic comedy ever made who also happens to look like an absolute tool and if I knew any chick who was dating that douchebag, I would think less of her for doing so, to the point where I would disown her... even if I didn't own her in the first place... look, that's not the point. You're thinking I'm creepy, but you're not getting the point. Get the point. No, don't judge me... GET THE POINT.

Okay... is there anything else I should mention? Okay, the battle thing at the end of the movie was cool. The voices and characters and dragon design were pretty good.

Yup. That's about it.

I am so going to try and have more time this next week to actually watch something that I can actually review without making myself out to be completely out of control of every one of my faculties including mind control of myself...so, self-mind control, which should so be a thing... which it is, I guess, but it should be called that constantly.

I am so going to try and review Silver Bullet before next week arrives. I've been wanting to review that movie for months...