Video Game Assessment: Until Dawn (2015)

Hey.

It's been a long time, hasn't it?

Whoops. I seem to have forgotten all about this blog for a great deal longer than I wanted to.

Anyway, getting back into the swing of things can be trying at the best of times, and these are certainly not the best of times. It's been nearly a year since I mysteriously disappeared, reemerging only now for October 1st- and (perhaps) more of October than that even? Who's to say?

I can't promise anything right now. My schedule and my life are way up in the air right now, but I'm going to endeavor to get at least some reviews up this October. Because October Nights is an important series for me. And I care about giving opinions about horror. I think this will be the second year in a row where I don't review something every single day in October, but again, I have no idea what's going to happen. I'm simply going to write opinions and see what happens. No promises though!

So, getting off of all of that trite conversation, let's talk about Until Dawn, the game where you try to get eight playable characters to- you guessed it- survive, UNTIL DAWN.

It is a horror video game of several different genres of horror. It involves eight "teenagers" (and since most of the actors are not even remotely teens, my head-canon is that they're all like mid-twenties) that have seen a fairly awful tragedy strike their group of friends about a year previously. Namely the two sisters of one of the eight characters disappear under mysterious circumstances after a nasty and very mean prank gone wrong.

The whole premise sounds like a crazy and very bad teenage slasher film rip-off. And it kind of is for part of the game. We have a "mystery man," a bunch of clues to find and extrapolate from, and a seemingly deranged killer on the loose. It plays more like a mystery game from the start, following more of an adventure game premise at first, rather than the full survival horror game it kind of becomes in the latter half of the game.

I really don't want to spoil the game, so I'm going to have fairly tight fingers in this review. Don't expect a ten-page diatribe about why _____'s character is extremely tragic or that the _____ design is really creepy and well put together. I'm certainly not going to talk about ______ __________ and his absolute obsession with ______ so much so that he made the movies ________ (2001) and ___ ____ _______ (2006) about the _______ that are so prominent in this particular narrative. Also, Saw (2003) and similar types of movies have has a fairly decent influence on what Until Dawn is.

And it's actually quite good for what it is. While I figured out the entirety of the plot within my first ten minutes of playing, I also found the characters interesting, the plot well put together, and horror very well played in the latter parts of the game. It can be easily compared to other games of similar play-types and genre, like Heavy Rain, Beyond Two Souls, and even Telltale's The Walking Dead (with Clementine and Lee), but it really does stand apart from them on a fundamental level, up to and including that, I believe, this particular game is much better for this type of gameplay and style than any of the other previous games like it. There's a great deal of narrative choice and input from the player to get the kind of story desired. The more you put into exploration the higher the chances are that your characters will survive and have knowledge of what's actually going on. Limited exploration puts the entire cast at risk and leads to a narrative that might make much less sense as well. I like gameplay rewarding narrative though.

The game puts this idea out there that choice is ultimately up to the player. This means that what happens in the plot, how characters react to one another, and the information found out and talked about are all up to the player, who can decide some aspects of the direction the game will take. While it is a fairly simplistic system here, it is much better implemented than a great deal of games of a similar type. I really like choice systems in games especially when the outcome can be extremely varied. RPGs tend to do it best, but even RPGs tend to not go very deep into the system. It's overly complicated to program, I get that, but the payoff is so good when it works right.

Until Dawn takes some time for the plot to get moving, but when it does finally get there, it also never stops. As a horror game, it has everything you might expect, from abandoned mental institutions to abandoned hotels. It has everything from a nearly abandoned ski lodge to a completely abandoned creepy mine. There's also an abandoned fire tower, abandoned ski lift depots, and a nearly entirely abandoned mountain.

So- uh- I think "abandoned" might be the word of the day today.

Just like a slasher movie, certain characters are more likely to die than others. The flirtatious and playful blonde girl who talks about sex more than the other characters, and then screams she is going to have a very good time sexing her boyfriend, is more likely to die than the girl who never talks about sex at all in any context. The (sorry to even bring this up) black guy character is more likely to die and be forgotten than any other character period, especially when a player decides to screw with ______ like the game explicitly tells you not to. The guy and gal that are more central to the plot though, the heroic antihero of questionable values and the brave but detached heroine, tend to both have the most screentime and the highest chance of surviving the night.

The other characters are the two (movie-styled) geeks who are supposedly perfect for one another, the grade-A witch of a girl who constantly browbeats her boyfriend, but has the best gameplay sequence in the game, and the troubled brother of the two sisters who died the previous year. The two geeks are pretty fun, but their whole story relies upon the other.The grade-A witch has the most conflicted nature to the narrative in terms of playable character, but also the most information revealed to her. And the brother of the two missing/dead sisters is a bit of an oddball with some of the most creative pieces of the narrative attributed to him.

A great deal of combinations of these characters can survive or die in the course of the story, including the entire cast or none of our "teens." While this latter outcome can be considered the best ending, it isn't necessarily the end of the story, for good or ill.

The changeable aspects of the genre are also probably the most interesting piece of the game to me. It switches genre constantly, and this is where I'm going to get just slightly spoiler-y, so there's your warning in advance. Jump out of this review with a hearty recommendation from your pal Saquarry if you don't want spoilers.

The game starts out with the isolationist vibe. While it never strays from that, there are certainly moments when you start seeing a larger world, most notably in trying to get some outside help and learning about what befell the inhabitants of this seemingly cursed mountain. There are also a great deal of jump scares in the beginning parts of the game, most of them, I hope, purposefully poorly handled. It seems to me that the game seems to want you off-balance constantly, and the characters are even willing to put each other off-balance for the desired results. Jump scares aside, the game delves into survival horror, supernatural horror, mystery horror, revenge narrative, slasher horror, and psychological horror at any given time. These all can pop up throughout the story, giving the whole thing a very off-kilter vibe to it. I certainly like it. It shows the metamorphosis of the narrative, starting at a place of ignorance and ending at a place that could be called "understanding."

The game itself follows that pattern, showing more fake horror in the beginning, evolving into something much more psychological and not shown, and finally ending on both understanding and a kind of body horror with supernatural elements that explains some things, but leaves enough ambiguity as to be worth exploring later (mostly after one is finished playing the game). That might be an overly complex way of saying that the game starts out with cheap scares, goes for a strong atmospheric feeling in the center part of the game, and finishes out with existential questions and outstanding visual designs.

The understanding the game gives to you in the end isn't just of the plot, but rather of the other characters, the supernatural elements, and the history behind everything around this mountain. The understanding changes the genre, and that is such a cool transition of genre, such a valid way of using genre like a tool to get a desired result.

Again, I'm not going to spoil very much else. Until Dawn is very good as a horror game. While the gameplay can be awkward, don't let that stop you from trying it out or from watching somebody else play it. It has quick-time events (QTEs) and plays very similarly to something like the David Cage games of Heavy Rain and Beyond Two Souls, the two closest comparison pieces. But I think it would be unfair to compare this game to those, if only because the quality and polish of this game is much stronger than those others.

I really enjoyed the game. It was thought-provoking, very creepy, and also very fun. The narrative left me wanting more. I want more games like this, more games that try to scare, but also try to do something beyond simply scaring.

I don't have much else to say other than recommending it. It is one of the best horror games of recent memory. It is also part of a string of horror games that have come out or that are coming out that have been or seem like they will be very, very solid entries into the genre.




I guess I do have a postscript to the review in the form of a little story. When I went out to buy this game the first day it had come out, I was nearly left wanting. I hadn't pre-ordered it because the previews had not impressed me even slightly. I saw a few good reviews come out, and decided that I would go pick it up because (and I even said this at the time I'm so ashamed) YOLO. The problem was I had a gift card at a particular video game store. I wanted to spend as little actual money as I could mitigate, so I found it necessary to go to this EXTREMELY POPULAR game stop if you will to find the game.

The problem arose that the first four stores I went to did not have the game at all. Somehow a video game that shouldn't have ANY scarcity somehow definitely had it. I was shocked at the first store not having it, in awe that the second didn't have it, and actively annoyed and peeved that the others didn't have it either. Okay, the game might be popular for some reason on the first day it's out, but they must have known what kind of response a fairly anticipated horror game would get, no?

I don't know. I guess I found it very sad that it took me nearly three hours to get to one of the only copies of Until Dawn in this particular store franchise in my area (my area being central New Jersey nowadays). AND I had to essentially ask a store that was nearly forty minutes away to hold it for me so that nobody else who also REALLY wanted a good horror would take it from me.

So, why the scarcity, guys? I'll never understand it.

Movie Appraisal: Detention (2011)

Detention, directed by Joseph Kahn, whose only other directing credit is Torque, is an absolutely enjoyable movie. While quick-paced, it's also memorable and really fun. I probably didn't catch half of what happened in this movie just because of the breakneck speed of the film, the dialogue, and the characters. It almost seems to be made for the ADD generation while having references to the nineties literally throughout the movie. It's odd, and my awkwardness at describing it is probably already showing.

I have no idea how to talk about it, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to spoil it. It's a horror comedy, although it's also fairly light on most of the horror and pretty heavy on most of the comedy. Strangely, although I do not tend to like comedies, I really found this one guffaw kinds of funny. The witty banter along with references, and the characters giving a joke every thirty seconds made this movie really enjoyable to just watch. I had heard about the synopsis and a bit about the movie in general, and I knew I needed to watch it. It's definitely an oddball movie, but it so happens to fall right under what I love in movies. I guess I could call it the horror-comedy version of Donnie Darko mixed with The Breakfast Club (to a point). And it certainly feels as good as either of those movies.

I don't really want to spoil the plot. Let's just say it's odd, almost nonsensical, and really fun. The actors look like they're having a blast. They certainly make the characters into something memorable at the very least. The weirdness of the film mixed with everything else about it makes this a much watch movie if you've ever agreed with me on some of my more outlandish movie likes. I can't really even think of another movie like this one.

I recommend this almost more than any other movie. It's really odd, and I think it will be a love it or hate it kind of film for almost everybody. I loved it, but I can totally understand someone disliking it. I do have a hard time really calling it a "horror" movie, but it does have gore and horror elements in it, and all of them work really well although most of them are also disregarded. The movie- it almost feels like one of those teenage parody movies being put out a few years ago, something like Not Another Teen Movie or whatever. Not that I've really seen movies like that, but just watching the previews, that's what this movie almost acts like. And that might seem like a turn-off, but it does that in a way that actually works.

I'm so scattered about this film. I have no idea what to talk about. If I were having a conversation with you, I'd be trying to say three different things about this movie at once. It has so much density and so many elements in it that I find it very difficult to adequately talk about everything. I love the background moments, things that happen completely in the background that have plot relevance, but are not focused on. On love the adherence to foreshadowing, which seems to be a near-constant thing in this film. The continuity seems like it was a major consideration throughout the movie.

When I watch this film again, I may write a bit more about it. I think this might be a movie that needs multiple viewings to really get everything going on. I may not be giving you much, but this is a really fun movie and really worth watching. Yeah. I think that's all I have to say about it now.

Movie Appraisal: Pacific Rim (2013)

Hey everybody! So, last weekend I went to see Pacific Rim with my normal theatre viewing crew. We had planned this out for a good long while and were all looking forward to it quite a bit. We went to a midnight showing since any other time wouldn't have worked out for us, and we excitedly waited for the movie to get rolling. Also read this review at your own risk!

We had no previews in our showing, and the movie didn't quite fit the screen which was fairly disappointing. Other than those things, the movie viewing experience was amazing. It is the best of its genre, hands down. I mean, there is no other way to even compare it to other movies. The actions scenes are wonderful, the human elements are actually meaningful and fun, and the CGI is both necessary and incredibly well done.

Come on, look at how awesome this thing looks!

I loved the designs of both the Kaiju (the big goddamn monsters) and the Jaeger (the big goddamn mechs). They worked incredibly well and felt amazingly large. The sense of scale was monumental, something I haven't felt in a theatre since the first time I saw The Fellowship of the Ring and watched the huge statues in that movie go by the fellowship while they were floating by in tiny boats. This movie makes the Kaiju and the Jaegers feel realistically huge. It was so cool.

And yeah, this movie has a lot to do with being cool. It is an experience. The music, the sound, the visuals, and the human stories- they are all experiences within the movie. No, the plot is not new. It's actually pretty cliched and can be easily predicted, but that doesn't mean it hasn't perfected its story. The Kaiju are the perfect antagonists, both alien and immensely terrifying. They have both a strength and a power that a normal person cannot even hope to overcome.

I'm a big damn mech, and I'm going to punch monsters from the depths of Hell.
Pleased to meet you.

It's a story about struggle and survival in an apocalyptic situation. It's also about teamwork (since the Jaegers require two people to make them run) and about just a great time in general. It's a movie that made me smile ear-to-ear more than once. It's also a movie that made me feel a cold sting of mortality at times as well. There are some very dark moments to go with the fun of them movie. And the moments that feel immense also can feel soul-crushingly sad as well.

When the Russian and Chinese Jaeger pilots die, it is a terrible thing. I felt their deaths in a way I rarely feel the deaths of characters within a movie. And these a re characters with no speaking lines either! With a very limited amount of screen time. Guillermo del Toro is that much of a master of his craft. He can make you feel something for characters who are background at best.

The fights are superb, hitting all the right strides and all the right moments. There are enough things that both the Jaeger and the Kaiju do to shake the fights up as well. I mean, suddenly the Jaegers have swords. Suddenly the Kaiju has an EMP. Suddenly there is a rocket elbow. Suddenly the freaking Kaiju has WINGS. All these elements work to make it just a wonderfully entertaining film, full of amazing moments, cool characters, and neat set-pieces.

The background stuff is really interesting as well. I mean both the background of this universe and the scenery itself. Both tell more of the story than the dialogue and characters ever could. It just feels so awe-inspiring. Ever person who is or was a little kid at one point playing with toys and ramming them against one another to fight will understand why this movie is one of the best movies out there period.

Yes, there are negatives. The lack of female characters (although I know I'll be called out on that by someone, just give it time) and some of the sillier things of the movie were a little annoying, but for the most part it is an incredibly fun ride. Easily one of the best movies I've seen in theatres in a long time. I suggest everybody watch this big damn movie. The script, music, and everything else are so awesome that the movie deserves your money and time, it really does.

How can you not love a man who looks like this?

Also, Ron Perlman and his character of Hannibal Chau are crazy awesome. I love that character so much. Also, the two science guys are great as well, and don't even take away from the big story of mechs and monsters punching one another. Is it a dumb movie at times? Sure, I guess. But just because it's a movie about things punching other things doesn't mean it can't be brilliant as well.

Serious recommendation. If you haven't seen it, go and see it!

Also, Hannibal Chau's shoes, because the detail is awesome!

Movie Appraisal: Doom (2005)

While I can see exactly why Doom, directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak, has gone down in history as a pretty bad video game movie (and a pretty disregarded movie in general), I'm going to express my disapproval with that assessment. Yes, this movie has mostly negative thoughts thrown around about it (with good reason). Yes, the acting is never really all that good. Yes, the story is fairly terrible to say the least. And yes, the music is downright awful. There are many more negatives I could say, and will say, about this film, but those are the starters before the main course. The visuals never really look right, seeming very much like an action film trying very hard to be a horror film in both visuals and tone. The problem is that the film never elevates itself. It never grows to a better level of movie. While there is a lot to enjoy about this film, there is very little to objectively like. It had its heart in the right place: no CGI monsters, prosthetics, practical effects, and some decent actors. But the movie just wasn't all that well done anyway. See, I still enjoyed it even with its obvious flaws, but I do not begrudge anybody who thinks that this film is garbage.

None of those things, those problems, make it a bad movie. It's simple. It's quick. And for some unknown reason it is one hell of an entertaining flick. I was engrossed by it, taken in by the simple story, the simple characters, and the simple premise. Sure, I (admittedly) have a soft spot for movies like this. I can't say I don't. But whatever my feelings about movies like this are, I still found this one compelling enough to enjoy and halfheartedly recommend for enjoyment purposes.

There are many more things wrong with this movie than right with it. The characters are one-dimensional, all introduced quickly, without fanfare. The audience is just expected to know the characters and like them. The story moves at a breakneck speed, never slowing down for a moment, even if parts of the story make no sense whatsoever. Maybe that's why it moves so quickly, so it can lose the audience to intense scenes, flashes of light, and blood. I was taken in. I can't say I wasn't. So, I guess it might have worked for me at least if that was the intent. While it is a terrible adaptation of the video game Doom, a terrible horror movie (if it was ever trying to be one at all), and too fast -paced for itself, it still is a good action film with some genuinely thrilling moments, and some wonderful expressions from The Rock.

Karl Urban and Raz Adoti, playing John "Reaper" and "Duke" respectively, are the only good actors here. They both do such a great job in their roles that their performances really helped make this movie an enjoyable experience for me. Karl Urban especially has always been one of my favorite relatively unknown actors. He gets great parts and always seems to give every role his all. I really hope he goes somewhere. He seems to be getting somewhere slowly and surely. I hope it continues. He really is a gem of an actor. His performance in this movie was excellent, probably the only truly genuinely "good" thing about this movie. Raz Adoti as "Duke" was just fun to watch. I was hoping he wouldn't die in the end. Obviously, he did. He had a truly excellent personality, and his scenes were genuinely thrilling and suspenseful.

The other actors were pretty bad. No, they weren't historically bad, but none of them were good. Most of them were simply mediocre. I enjoyed Richard Brake as Portman and Dexter Fletcher as Pinky, though neither of them precisely "acted" in a traditional sense. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson should have been good, even could have been good, but his hammy performance, although fun, was probably the worst of the entire movie. His eyebrows helped make the movie memorable, at least. That's saying something.

I have no idea what else to even say. There is a lot wrong with this movie. The first-person sequence towards the end of the film, although kind of fun, was also so very cheesy. The whole plot about how the "demons" came to be was also pretty stupid. Genetic research? Really? Why make the plot so complicated when all the filmmakers had to say was that these were demons from hell? Why bring pseudoscience into this? It's absolutely bizarre, but in the movie the science and discovery are treated like something the audience should already know everything about. It's such an odd thing, the pacing, the way the story is told. I can't for the life of me think of any other standalone movie that has the same strange breakneck pace in introducing its own characters and premises. Maybe Aliens? No. Even that movie had a pretty lengthy prologue. This film literally expects you to know these characters before they're introduced, to sympathize with them before you have a chance to know them.  It's weird, almost as if this movie were a sequel to another that had introduced them first. It's the only way I can explain it.

Anyway, I kind of wish they had ditched the story about the genetic research. That was truly very stupid. As a person who has more than a cursory knowledge about genetics (I went to school for it as a matter-of-fact.) they really should have stuck with hell and demons. Those are very simple to understand.

But, for all the many negatives, I still enjoyed this movie. It was a fun "turn-your-brain-off" kind of flick. It was as entertaining as I made it. And that's really what it all comes down to. I liked many of the sequences after the lightspeed introduction, and that's about all there is to it. The main monster was well done, the dark scenes in the sewers were actually harrowing. I loved the medical autopsy scenes as well. They actually gave the film some character of its own beyond the mindless space marine plot. The actors seemed like they were having fun for the most part too- well, all of them but Rosamund Pike playing John's sister Samantha. She had an expression of surprise on her face the entire movie, and her acting was literally painful to watch most of the time. As one of the few females in the movie, and the only one with significant screen time, her performance was pretty pitiful and rarely enjoyable at all. While she did get better the longer the movie went on, her first few scenes made me wince every time she was onscreen. She looked like she was not having a good time at all in the first half of this movie.

So, yeah, I'll recommend this movie for a good time. Don't expect anything, and it will probably surprise you. Expect a lot, and you'll be incredibly disappointed. Have fun with it. Don't take it seriously. I know I didn't, and it was a truly fun experience, even though the movie was not great.

Movie Appraisal: Silent Hill: Revelation 3D (2012)

Pyramid Head! What are you even doing here in this movie? Shouldn't you be tormenting James in the REAL Silent Hill 2?

Or Alex in Silent Hill: Homecoming?

Or Rose and Cybil in the original Silent Hill movie?

Honestly... why are you always there, Pyramid Head? Wait... are you... are you operating... a... a...

...carousel? What?

Why...? Why are you operating that carousel, Pyramid Head? Why do you have fish hook looking thing attached to your nipples for some reason? Why do you make it all spin? Why do I feel like I'm losing my mind?

Look the reason Pyramid Head is here is because Pyramid Head is a marketable character/creature. He has basically become the FACE (Uh... Awkward Head?) of the Silent Hill series. Now, how you feel about that can vary. Many think that his being used in every little thing involving the franchise sullies his name, makes his role in Silent Hill 2 lessened, and makes him an incredible gimmick... as well as making him less interesting/terrifying and actually making him a boring character when he actually does show up. But on the other hand, the dude with the pyramid-shaped head is hella awesome. And marketable. AND WE LOVE YOU, PYRAMID HEAD! You are recognizable and I feel comfort in noticing things.

My opinion quite obviously veers to the former. He shouldn't be in this movie. His presence, although decently well-explained away, is somewhat baffling nevertheless. He does very little towards the end and seems to have much of the same role that Valtiel has in the original Silent Hill 3, a guardian and a watcher. This becomes incredibly apparent as he makes the carousel near the end of the movie go around or when he chops men's arms off who are actively attacking and grabbing out for Heather. He is a much more active guardian than the observing Valtiel, but in some ways that works nicely... and in others it's a big, odd gimmick that never really fits or finds a place to feel comfortable in. Once you let Pyramid Head out of the bag like the first movie did, you really have no choice but to use him again, just as Homecoming did. Pyramid Head is a trap, and one this franchise seems to keep falling for. Using him once was incredible. The movie using him in the wrong context was confusing. Using him in a second game for no reason was creatively unacceptable, and bordering on self-plagiarism, and using him here just points out how far this franchise will go to pound that familiar pyramid face into the ground. It's disheartening. Even if he were used well it would be disheartening. And here he is used acceptably, but that doesn't excuse that he's being used at all.

Now, even though this is the second Silent Hill movie, it is actually based upon the third game, Silent Hill 3, which also happens to be one of the games I am not overly fond of. Most of my problems with that game stem from its paper-thin plot, its weak characters, and the motivations behind it all. I don't just mean the motivations of the characters or writers, but I also mean the motivation of the creators making a direct sequel to the original game because they were under a lot of pressure to do so. Silent Hill 2 was initially panned by critics and reviewers because it was no true sequel, rather a self contained story with nothing to do with the first game other than aesthetics. And it worked well. Silent Hill 3, to me, felt like more of a cop-out than an original plot. But I'll get to my opinions when I review the game (if I ever review the game). Right now I'm just telling you that the game this movie is based upon is one I am not overly fond of.

So, imagine my surprise when this movie starts working for me. Imagine my surprise when I found myself enjoying it. Imagine my surprise when I found myself engaged and wanting to see more. Wait, I was supposed to save that glee for later. Dammit. Now the cat is out of that locker. It's wandering the school and probably being hunted by monsters.

The movie, directed by Michael J. Bassett, who also directed Deathwatch, follows the same basic premise as the third game. Heather Mason (played by Adelaide Clemens) is a seventeen year old teenager who lives with her father Harry (Sean Bean). Heather and Harry move around a lot because they are avoiding being found. Heather tries to start another new life just as things all go to hell. While the plot is basically the same as the game major and minor things are changed all over the place, with some things added and some things taken away. Douglas Cartland arrives to meet and greet Heather, but not in the mall like he did in the game, but rather in front of her school bus. He waits for her, somewhat pesters her, and then follows her, trying desperately to warn her of the impending shadow of the Order. Movie Douglas, unlike his game counterpart, dies. He dies in the mall Otherworld sequence. He never even makes the drive with Heather to Silent Hill proper. While this is slightly disappointing, I'm not overly surprised. Douglas is not my favorite character, and the plot flows in a similar manner with or without him there.

Replacing Douglas and his role for the rest of the movie is Vincent (Kit Harrington), who is easily my least favorite character (or actor) here. He is no high school student, looking more like he's in his mid-twenties than his teens. And he can't seem to hide that British accent. He was obviously not from West Virginia is my point here. Sean Bean has similar problems disguising his accent, and seems to forget completely about disguising it at all. Why not? He's still good in the role. Why have him be American when he can be anything he wants to be? Sean Bean also, for some odd reason, will not die. The man, an actor who is known for playing characters that die by the end of the movie, survives this film... somehow... even when Harry, in the third game, is explicitly dead by the middle of it. It made some sense, truth be told, to not have him die, but it was surprising as well.

Vincent and Heather also have this whole romantic subplot going on throughout the movie. I have to mention it because it was creepy. At least one person in the theatre agreed with me. I heard a hearty "Ew" when he kissed her. I concur, person in the theatre!

Most of the movie is fluff. I can't even hide that. I can't say most of the movie is even worth anything at all. The plot is a mess, paper-thin at best... although again, the third game's plot has similar problems. The characters are barely there. The actors are only needed for scary reaction shots and some decent dialogue. Most of the plot and characters could have disappeared and I wouldn't have cared. Hell, the entire movie could have been monster encounters, and I would have been happy. We could have called it Silent Hill: Encountering Monsters, and although fanboys would have hated it, the movie wouldn't have changed much in content.

I loved some of the imagery and designs though. Unlike the first movie, a great deal of the images from this movie seem to be straight from the games. Also, there seemed to be a great deal of trying to make the interiors of buildings look convincing when they are all decrepit and abandoned in the Otherworld, because they succeed a million times in aesthetics. I can't say just how much I loved that the decaying buildings actually looked like decaying buildings. And throughout the movie this was true, with every building having its own unique look and layout. I was impressed.

The monster designs were also really well done. Yes, there were some returning monsters from the last movie, but most here are new, at least somewhat. The Missionary is the really big new monster. She is even a match for Pyramid Head in a fight. She appears throughout the film until she is revealed to be Claudia somehow. This takes fetus-eating right out of the picture, and for that I am truly disappointed. Instead we get Missionary Claudia fighting Pyramid Head. And you know what? It's fun. I liked it. I'm a dumb man who liked watching the monsters fight, okay? And other "monsters" appear as well often faceless, with stitched seams or fleshy... uh... bits all over. They're all kind of hard to explain. Some of the moments in the movie with the monsters are almost hilarious... and I wonder if they were purposefully meant to be funny. I kind of have the inkling they were meant to be humorous. Maybe that's just me.

Two new monsters were absolutely amazing though. The first was a mannequin spider creature who looked absolutely stunning. The idea was brilliant. I loved watching it, and it was almost frightening and horrifying in a way. It had easily the best and most serious scene in the entire movie. And for that, I am seriously glad. I needed that monster. It kept this movie interesting and moved everything along nicely. It was the highlight of my experience except for a moment at the end, which I'll get to shortly. The other "monster" that I really enjoyed was more a collection of monsters. They were under the floor grating, these heads and hands, almost making a floor underneath the floor. I have no idea if they were people, monsters or something else, but I loved the look of them.

As for everything else... Well, Heather merges with Alessa eventually, like in the game. And they do it on a carousel that Pyramid Head is inexplicably operating. Maybe there is symbolism there? Or maybe it's just dumb. I have no idea. I just know I was laughing so hard at Pyramid Head and his ridiculous nipple piercings... His operating of that carousel was less horrifying and more incredibly and ridiculously amusing. I laughed for a while and made jokes underneath my breath constantly.

And I guess that's the BIG PROBLEM of this flick. It never feels serious. It's made for the fans. That's obvious. If you are not a fan of the games skip this movie and never see it. It's not made for people who don't like the games, pure and simple. The moments ripped directly from the games, the jump scares, the decoy characters and plot points, and the gameplay mechanics basically shown in the movie are all there for the fans. My favorite one of those has to be the nurses. Yes, they also make a comeback, but they are impressive. They're there arguably more than the first movie, and they work well. They are intimidating, well acted, and relentless. In every way they were really one of the highlights of the film. And their sequence with Vincent and Heather works incredibly well, being both tense and effective.

But the rest of the movie has hilarious moments scattered throughout, and I have no idea if they were intentional or not. All I know was that I was having a great time. I made fun of the movie, I enjoyed sequences of the movie. I loved the imagery of the movie. And I had a grand old time. Were there problems? Yes. But none of those problems ever took away from my enjoyment of the feature. None of them ever made me want to walk out or stop enjoying what was in front of me. Some character decisions were baffling though... like Heather continuing to run into the darkness under the mall for some reason rather than staying in a populated area where she could yell for help. Yes, I know the nightmare world was nearly there (or maybe was actively there) but it would have made more sense for her to hold back. Vincent running off for some reason near the end of the film is also baffling. No idea why he did that. "Promise (Reprise)," a very good song from the second game, also seems to play constantly throughout the movie, no less than five times it seems. While it is a good song, you would think that thy would have more song selection than that to choose from.

Malcolm McDowell and Carrie-Anne Moss also are in this movie... but I can't really say much about them. McDowell is obviously a bad guy. And Carrie-Anne Moss seems to be both albino and a monster some times. It made literally no sense and I would rather not attempt to parse it.

Now, my favorite scene is the very end of the movie. Vincent and Heather have left Silent Hill for good. They hitchhike on a semi truck. The semi truck is driven by none other than Travis Grady. I called it out before it happened. "Travis?" I nearly shouted. "Travis, what are you doing here?" I was so excited! I have no idea why but that little nod to another game made me happy. And then the next nod made me honestly giddy. I love Silent Hill: Downpour, so when a few police cruisers and then a convict bus speed by the semi as Silent Hill gets all foggy again, I was basically ready to give the movie a standing ovation. Seriously. I don't think I've been as excited for a little nod from a filmmaker to me as a fan as I was here. It made me feel good.

So, overall, this was my best movie-going experience possibly ever. I loved this movie. I loved the parts that were great and the parts that were less great (and there definitely were some of those). I loved almost everything here except Kit Harrington and some of the more boring scenes that seemed to do nothing for either plot or character. I guess I should also mention that this is not a scary film. The first movie is a much more horrific experience. Although I found myself taken in by the plot here, I never found myself scared even a little bit, although I did find myself very engaged. I would call it a suspenseful experience, but not a scary one. While there were jump scares, most were predictable and none had a lasting impact. If I had cared about the plot or characters more maybe I would have cared about the scares more... but this movie wasn't about the plot or characters... it was all about the fans, the imagery, and the games. And I can't argue that. It was a wonderful homage to the games... even if as a movie it did seem to suffer under its own weight. I will stand by the fact that I loved this movie... that neither makes it a good movie nor enjoyable for everybody though. Be ready to go in there expecting the worst if you're going to see it. Be ready to poke a little fun at the movie. And be ready to just enjoy the ride. I did, and I'm nearly as happy as I could be. I would have been happier if the movie were actually scary, but I can't complain.

If you are a fan of the games, check this movie out... just don't take it too seriously, okay? I mean, Pyramid Head is pierced through his nipples... how can anyone see that and not laugh? Also, this is the first 3D movie I have ever seen. My opinion? Gimmicky, and not my favorite thing ever, but it worked a few times in more atmospheric moments. I still would have preferred to not wear the goofy glasses.

(Okay, and now I have a special second part of the review. This is unheard of for me and this blog, but I'm going to introduce a guest reviewer: my girlfriend who bravely sat through the movie with me, expecting to absolutely hate this movie. She knows almost nothing about the series of games, although she has seen the first movie, the first half of the second game, and bits and pieces of Downpour. So, here are her thoughts, as a non-fan of Silent Hill or horror:)

 Okay, so I just saw Silent Hill: Revelation 3D. I will preface this by saying that horror movies put me entirely out of my element. I do not often watch them! I am not the expert Justin claims to be, and I don't know much about the Silent Hill series outside of what I've seen played of SH2, SH3, and SH Downpour.

Inexpertise laid bare, I had fun watching this! I was never really scared, and I am a self-proclaimed weenie about this stuff. It did have some decent jump-scares in predictable places, but jump-scares don't mean much as far as horror goes. There were tense moments, but nothing actually horrific. My heart never really jumped from fear. It was a thriller more than a horror- and, being called a thriller, I thought it was actually pretty entertaining!

The story did nothing for me. Going in nearly cold to this film and not having the Silent Hill nostalgia driving my interest, the plot came across as dry. Very dry! It made sense, especially when explained, but that didn't stop the protagonists' actions from being poorly motivated. I'm sorry, but Vincent, what did catching the Brethren's attention in the amusement park do for you? Why the hell did you kiss Heather? Heather, you're disregarding everything your father has ever told you and blatantly ignoring common sense when you dive headlong into the venture. 'Oh my dad has literally bent our lives around hiding from people chasing us and telling me to never go back to Silent Hill no matter what- so let's just make that little trip, shall we?' It seemed.... shallow. I mean, I get it, but it still came across as much more of a game-reliant plot and movie than one really meant to stand on its own, which was slightly disappointing for someone without that game experience to draw from.

I never really connected with Heather, either. It's hard to, especially when the first major speech she makes is one literally meant to drive everyone away. Effective as a troubled high-schooler, not so much as a movie protagonist I'm supposed to emphasize with. Or is that not a thing for horror movies, and the protagonist is meant really only as a scream-generator? I don't know. I might be off-base.

I liked Robbie the Rabbit. I now want a little plushie.

The monsters in the movie were... interesting. The new ones, anyway. I liked the mannequin-spider-conglomeration! It was creepy, new, and parasitic, while still keeping to the pieced-together-mannequin monster theme in other Silent Hill pieces (the double-legged monster in SH2, for instance). Probably one of my favorite monsters (except for when it opened its head, I would have preferred to not have CGI shoved in my face like that)- and the girl Heather rescued there was pointless. I knew the instant she got ripped out of that plastic thread-sac that she was a moot character, only meant as a forced kind of monster feed to generate screams. That came across as shallow to me, as well. Pointless.

The nurses are a Silent Hill staple- I think they're overused, but at least this time they were used well. They responded to the noise made, and only when noise was made! That part, with Vincent lying on the gurney and trying to silently escape, was a well-done tense moment, in my opinion.

Pyramid Head was... I'm getting tired of his cameos. His original purpose was to be James's torment in SH2, and he's been bastardized from that ever since. What is he doing turning a demonic carousel, chained in place with nipple-clamps? And couldn't he take them out any other way than by ripping them?

VINCENT IS NOT A BRITISH HORMONAL TEENAGE BOY. That seemed fan-service-y to me. I'm not a fan of that.

The rot effects were very cool. They reminded me of every single abandoned building Justin and I have ever explored- especially the Knight Hospital. That, overall, was probably what spooked me the most, the ties to my urban exploration; not the ties to the Silent Hill series, which shouldn't really be the case, I think.

Again, as horror, this movie seems to fall flat even to someone as inexperienced as me. It was thrilling, again, but never really that scary. The scares they tried to pull were predictable, at best. ...Also, it might not have helped that Justin and I were cracking jokes about Pyramid Head's nipple clamps the entire time.

The best part, for me, was actually at the very end. Silent Hill: Downpour is the game I know the most about, save for SH2, so seeing the bus and police escort pass the truck as they were leaving the town was a great stinger for me. I guess we'll see if they follow that up well!

Last note? I HATE 3-D EFFECTS.

Movie Appraisal: Graveyard Shift (1990)

We're going to Hell... TOGETHER!

Graveyard Shift is the perfect late 1980s/early 1990s horror film. And what I mean by "perfect" is that it is the representation of all that is the horror films from this period of time. From the hair, to the clothes, to the acting, everything here is wonderfully representative of this time in horror... especially the dubbing. Man, I love that dubbing where a character is heard shouting a bloodcurdling scream but is barely opening their mouth. Even the credits get into the action, having lines remixed into the music. It's absolutely wonderful. This movie also has some great lines and much better acting than you might expect from a movie of this... uh... calibre. Yeah, I'm going to use that word here. Directed by Ralph S. Singleton, and starring David Andrews as the drifter Hall, it is a fun ride of a horror movie that has some genuinely creepy moments.

So, the story, based off of a Stephen King short story of the same name from his Night Shift collection, is only somewhat like its original story with a much more upbeat ending than the story at the very least. Well, more upbeat in that somebody actually survives the underground sub-basement of the story. That really doesn't mean the story has an upbeat ending though. It's honestly pretty dark. It's one of those movies people seem to forget about easily. It's fairly similar in premise to many horror movies, but this one is so well executed that I do wish that it was better remembered. With only a 13% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, I have to wonder if that website is ever effective in telling whether a movie will be watchable or not. When Black Swan gets 87% and this great horror movie gets 13%... well, that's when I stop listening to Rotten Tomatoes (not that I ever have anyway).

Graveyard Shift starts out with an abandoned textile mill being reopened after somebody dies in the beginning, presumably from the very monster that is so central to the plot. The mill has a ton of water damage in the basement (and eventually sub-basement when the characters get there), and crews are hired to see that it all is cleaned out. The problem besides the water damage though, is that there are a ton of rats all over the basement and the mill itself. And these are no ordinary rats. They are much more than ordinary rats. They seem to have evolved in the basement of the mill to be incredibly intelligent, with at least one of them becoming a "super-rat" that is more like a giant bat creature of EVIL proportions. Throughout the movie characters are killed and eaten off by both rats and the super-rat alike. It creates tension and a great atmosphere for horror. The rat-creature is effectively terrifying, and never quite shown in full. It is like a hairless bat creature, and works to evoke terror in the viewer. It is often shown as moist, with red rivulets of moisture coming off of it at all times, probably indicative of the red water the sub-basement seems to harbor.

The rats used in the film seem to be all real rats, and the effects even besides the rats are actually all quite well done. It makes the movie much better when real things are used rather than some CGI nonsense. The acting is then related to what the actors can actually see and respond to, and it works incredibly well here. The acting is also legitimately well done, with really great performances from Brad Dourif, who plays a creepy rat exterminator, Stephen Macht, who plays the actually evil foreman/manager of the mill, Warwick, and Kelly Wolf, who plays the lead female of the movie, Jane, who is also the love interest of Hall. These three actually all have really good performances for a movie of this type. You don't expect much, and then are surprised by the great performances... at least I was. They have some really great lines too, much better than almost any given "great" movie today. (Okay, I'm a little bitter at the line-up of movies I see in today's market, okay?) Stephen Macht especially shines here as the major human antagonist as well as one of the sleaziest and most interesting characters ever put to film. His voice alone is brilliant and worth watching the film for, but honestly, I just truly enjoyed watching the man act. He definitely knows his craft. I could literally make this an entire review of how awesome Stephen Macht is in this movie, but I'd be digressing all over the place. While he is fun to watch, he is also easily hateable. And it works really well when you want him to die by the end of the film. Brad Dourif is always great, so it's hard for me to say anything else about him. He definitely has one of the best speeches in the film, but is also, sadly, absent from a good portion of the movie. Again, this movie should be seen for the performances alone, but the horror, the sets, and everything else in the movie really work quite well.

The red water under the graveyard and the mill is a nice touch even if it's never explained. I have no idea why it's red, and nobody else seems to either, but it works incredibly well at being different and interesting. The whole aesthetic of the movie is brilliant, basically being set in a crypt-set throughout the movie without the movie ever acknowledging it. It's all in the "basement" and "sub-basement" even though it always seriously looks like some creepy crypt or something. There is a beauty in the set design that is both wonderful and horrifying.

The bone pit that shows up late in the movie is also an oddity. Why are there so many bones? How can there be so many bones? Are they all human? I can't imagine they all are, although in a movie like this you'd better damn well believe they're all human. A movie like this doesn't mess around. It doesn't lightly tip-toe over the fact that a thousand people were murdered by the rats, their flesh eaten away, and their bones left in a pit in the ground. I suppose the bones could be from the graveyard too... the graveyard that sits in water inexplicably above the subterranean cave of rats and super-bat-rat. It doesn't matter that none of it makes any sense. It just matters that it looks fantastic and does work.

There are some random slowdowns throughout the movie, often highlighting ACTION SHOTS. It's a very 1990s thing to do, but is also a nice touch. I can't say that I didn't enjoy almost every ACTION SHOT even if they did feel slightly out of place. Ralph S. Singleton does a great job directing, even if this was his only movie direction. I feel like this man should be directing everything and was sad to find out he's directed almost nothing at all. He makes this movie feel like a John Carpenter movie. In the Mouth of Madness and Prince of Darkness have very similar feels to them, and They Live! has so many similarities (in some ways) that I actually have a hard time believing that Singleton didn't borrow a bit from Carpenter. And this is me praising the direction of the movie. I think Singleton did a great job making this movie feel great. I can't complain about a job well done.

The music is very good as well, definitely putting me in the mood for horror. It does a wonderful job at playing the tension up as well as exciting the movie-watcher for any particular scene. And, you know something? The scenes often work. The set-up is all very good, and the pay-off at the end is satisfying even if it is depressing. And the end of the film is incredibly gory even if it is a wonderful pay-off, but gory works for a gritty film like this. Gritty makes this film work on more levels than just cheesy 1990s horror. It makes it work as a great horror film as well as a little cheesy in parts. The funny thing is that I found this film much less cheesy and much more terrifying. But I think others might have other opinions on that.

One last thing before I do my best to recommend this film, Warwick is always there. Dude seems to always be skulking in the dark of the room, appearing whenever anybody complains. I have no idea how he does it, but every time you think something bad is going to happen or people are getting riled up, it's either going to be rat-bat-monster eating somebody, or Warwick suddenly there with his smug face on, ready to call out or backhandedly insult somebody. As I said before, this movie is worth watching for Warwick alone. He is literally the worst person on Earth, but I love this character. He's so unapologetic and terrible, and with the amount of screen-time and lines the guy gets he's almost the main character. So, seriously, watch this film for him if nothing else.

Now, I have to recommend this flick. It is a wonderful watch from beginning to end. While it does have some drier parts, it often moves at a good clip, and never overstays its welcome. Clocking at only ninety minutes long, it doesn't drag, and has enough characterization, horror, and good times to go around. It's a forgotten gem, as well as being a great movie for this time of year. It works well as a horror movie, and I just can't help putting my seal of approval on this interesting slice of the 1990s.

Movie Appraisal: The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

So, this is basically SCP Foundation: The Movie. Yup. Uh-huh. Okay.

Okay, this review is done. You can go now.




Seriously, stop reading, I have nothing else to say.





Nothing else to say here. Doo doo-doo doo-doo. You can stop bothering me now. I said my peace. Said it all in fact. My full thoughts are up there. You should be thankful I wrote any words at all you ungrateful weirdos. So get out of here. Go make a sandwich or something. Some potato salad maybe. Or just go read the entire SCP Foundation website. I'm sure they'd enjoy that. But you can leave this review alone now. Yeah...








Oh, fine... FIIIIIINE... You want me to write words that you will read then I'll do that, but you'll live to regret those words more than likely.

I liked this movie a lot. It was a fun movie all the way through. Sure, there are hiccups from time-to-time and the plot is all kinds of complicated... but it works pretty well in general... even if it works better as a comedy than a horror movie, which is somewhat disappointing. Don't go into this movie expecting the scares and the jumps. It's a movie that relies much more on dialogue and set-pieces then it ever will on the actual horror of the situation despite the fact that this movie is obviously a play on common horror movies and horror tropes.

Now, do all those things make the movie good or bad? Well, that's really up to the watcher of the film, but I found it fairly compelling for the most part... although the "horror movie" portion of the plot is much less compelling than the office job portion. Basically I was more interested in the SCP: The Movie than I was at the actual victims of the whole convoluted premise. I wanted to hear so much more about the lives and working atmosphere of the guys who are in the office environment than I wanted to see the horror movie stuff play out. I honestly thought that having the movie continue on from its almost fake ending of all of the sacrifices working out would have been much more interesting. Maybe not for most audiences, but I think I would have found that much better in literally every way.

I seem to be talking a ton about what this movie isn't rather than what it is, and the problem is, although I liked this flick, I really keep thinking about how easily it could have been better. The last minute of this film left me with a bad taste in my mouth as well, probably because of the inexplicable actions of the two characters left alive as well the very last image, which completely severed any emotional investment I would have had in the plot. I know this is an old Joss Whedon trick, and I simply thought it wasn't as fun or as good as other ideas that I could just come up with now. That being said, it is Joss Whedon, and I was expecting something like this as soon as I understood what the "twist" was. It still doesn't mean I love it... but it was okay.

The movie is basically easily separated into thirds. The first third being the lead up to the horror with the college kids of Dana (played by Kristen Connolly), Curt (played by Chris Hemsworth), Jules (played by Anna Hutchison), Marty (played by Fran Kranz), and Holden (played by Jesse Williams) all going to Curt's cousin's cabin in the woods. (There's a title drop there by the way. Just so you know.) Now each of these five characters represent an archetype in these kinds of films despite the fact that not all of them represent their archetype in question at the beginning of the film. Jules seems to be a rather intelligent and self-conscious girl despite being labelled as "the Whore" by the movie. The controllers drug her to make her more likely to engage in lewd behavior. She does and is promptly killed for showing her breasts and getting physical with her boyfriend. Curt is an intelligent student who becomes "the Athlete," essentially becoming a makeshift leader to the group. Holden, a much more jockish character towards the beginning, becomes "the Scholar" as it is learned that he knows Latin and is fairly intelligent. Marty is always "the Fool," but mostly in the Tarot definition of the Fool as a wild card. And finally there is Dana who is "the Virgin" despite not being a virgin at all. But they have to "work with what they've got."

While the kids are all introduced the operators are as well. The most prominent of these are Richard Jenkins as Gary Sitterson, Bradley Whitford as Steve Hadley (the mer-man guy), Brian White as the military guy Daniel Truman, and Amy Acker as Wendy Lin, a chemistry lady. These characters are the most compelling to me, being both the most easily related to, and the most easily liked. Look, nobody likes college kids, not even the college kids. I'm a college kid and I can say without a doubt that I have no liking of college kids. So, the "lead" characters are far and beyond the least likable in the movie. I won't say they deserve what they get, but I wasn't really sorry for any of their deaths or potential deaths. Whereas I felt pretty down as all the operators were killed off in the final act. They were morally ambiguous certainly, but they were trying to do the greater good under the worst circumstances... and what's wrong with that? Whereas the last two "hero" characters alive in Dana and Marty go ahead and let the world end. I mean, seriously? Why would you guys do that? Die then a save billions or die a few minutes later and save no-one? That is seriously messed up. And it was the one part of the movie I really didn't like. It felt out of character, and honestly damned both of those characters in my eyes. You do what you have to do to prevent an apocalypse if you want to go traipsing around calling yourself a good guy. I don't know... I guess it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I like dark endings, but seriously, if you have to make characters act out of character and have a bunch of convenient plot things happen at the same time to get your dark ending, it's just not worth it. There's no payoff and no punch. And the hand coming up from the earth at the end just seemed dumb. If you're going to keep the dark ending leave it a little ambiguous at least. The hand looked worst than what I could have imagined in my mind... but there's the problem... this movie is inherently not a horror movie.

Now, I know when I sat that people will be all like, "But it says it's a horror movie!" It's not a horror movie. It's a horror comedy more than anything else... just as much as Shaun of the Dead or Zombieland. Sure, there is gore and things that should be creepy, but it never really reaches the upper echelon of actually being scary. It's not The Evil Dead... that's for sure. Instead, everything works out for this movie to be a fairly compelling comedy... really not even a horror comedy. This is no Trick 'r Treat where there are actual horror elements to it (I'll get to that movie soon, don't you worry.), this is more generic horror with some good humor, good dialogue, and good characters tying it together.

Now, I liked the operators quite a bit, but Marty was also incredibly well written. His dialogue is witty and his comic-timing is really good. I found myself laughing at a good majority of his lines. The whole operators business was also amusing in its own right, especially the mundane conversations they have throughout the movie. This is actually one of those movies that I prefer the big twist out there in the beginning... because without that twist this would be a relatively generic horror movie... but with it it is definitely SCP: The Movie, and I can get behind that wholesale. I love how the monsters are kept in enclosed areas to be released at a desired time. I love how they have that cool of a collection from regular zombies all the way to a weird ballerina with her face a giant mouth-thing... and all the other horror references besides. I love how some old gods need to be appeased by the sacrifices of the respective horror tropes of different cultures. I really like this movie even despite the missteps. It works on a fundamental level to be an enjoyable experience.

And while there are some problems, if you keep an opened mind, this movie can really amaze you with both its plot and storytelling becoming something really amazing in the process. Now, as for scares... this movie offers very few. There is a lot of gore, but really only one scare... kind of a jump scare, but I found myself surprised... and that's the death of Holden. You see it coming from a mile away, but it happens so quickly that it left me surprised. The only "death" I didn't like was the fake Marty death. He should've died there. There was no way he fought back, not in the time required before the blood splatter goes up... but somehow I knew his offscreen death would be negated. I still didn't like it. It felt too fake... too manufactured. I just couldn't get behind the explanation or his character's continued life. But... I guess it is what it is. I've also heard some complain about the big red PURGE button for all the monsters... and while I found it incredibly dumb... I also thought it worked from a thematic standpoint. This is the SCP Foundation we're talking about. Of course they'd have a big red PURGE button. Why am I not even a little surprised? Plus, this leads to some of the best tension in the entire film, so how can I get up in arms over a little button?

I have to recommend this movie to people who love horror. It is a great little movie. Yes, it has some issues, but it mostly fulfills exactly what it's supposed to, and it does it ridiculously well. While reminiscent of The Evil Dead, don't expect too many scares. Instead hand on for some great dialogue, an interesting premise, and a fun ride.

Video Game Assessment: Super Meat Boy (2010)

SUUUUUUPPPPPEEERRRRRR MEEEEEEEEEEEATTTTTTT BOOOOYYY!!!!!

I started playing Super Meat Boy recently after I fell in love with The Binding of Isaac. Since both games have similar art styles and developers, I really hoped that I would enjoy it in the same way I enjoyed Isaac. And you know something? I did. I really did. I mean, not in the same way or anything. Isaac is a Roguelike with random rooms, random items, and random enemies for the most part. It plays completely differently than the platform and memorization hell that Meat Boy presents. But they both have the same humor, the same sorts of references to other video games and popular culture, and they both are very tongue-in-cheek at points. They are also both really fun to play.

The game, though, is something of an oddity in this day and age. It is a callback to some of the ridiculously hard platformer games that came out on old systems like the NES, SNES, etc. It is a very difficult game on top of everything else anyway. And when I say difficult, OH BOY. I MEAN DIFFICULT IF YOU CATCH MY MEANING. It's difficult, okay? It's frustratingly hard at times with actually beating a tough level being incredibly satisfying, which happens less and less in this era of simple and easy video games marketed towards a increasingly casual market who don't want challenges, don't want to get lost in the game, and who don't want to spend time actually getting good at it. Like any good video game player, I must scoff and turn my nose up at those people in a ridiculously exaggerated manner.

Nah, not really. I personally don't like the casual game market, but I don't think it's a bad thing either. Just not what I'm looking for. I like getting very skilled in a set of games or enjoying stories, worlds, characters, etc. And because of that casual games just don't appeal to me, but Super Meat Boy is certainly not a casual game. You have to master the controls if you even want to think of getting to later levels. You have to literally be pixel perfect to play the game effectively.

The game starts out simply enough with easy mechanics, simple jumps and movements, wall jumps, running, collecting items called bandages to unlock different characters to play as. Ordinary stuff. And then you realize that you are playing as a man made out of meat. And that this Meat Person, or "Meat Boy,"  has a girlfriend made out of bandages, "Bandage Girl," who's in turn been kidnapped by a fetus in a jar with a monocle and a top hat, "Dr. Fetus." Okay, it's  an odd game. Unique and really different. The story doesn't really matter much more than an early Mario game, although the story is told better in this game and some of the cutscenes are actually kind of brilliant, hilarious, and all kinds of well done.

I consider myself pretty decent at platformers. I grew up playing them on the NES and the SNES. I loved the old Super Star Wars games (I played them to death.), the early main Mario Bros. games, the Donkey Kong Country games, and the Metroid games. I'm sure there are others too. But I have to say that I've never played anything quite as difficult as Super Meat Boy, at least not that I can actively remember at the moment.

Frustrating may be a better and more appropriate term. There were times that I played the game and just wanted to heave my controller through my television, rant and scream, and then finally curl up into the fetal position and grow a top hat and monocle and murder meat... Seriously, just let the damn piece of meat burn in the fires of his own making... watch him... uh...

Um... yeah? My point is that the game starts off easy but gets hard very quickly.If you do not master the controls you will find yourself unable to complete many levels. It took me a while to be able to become good enough to get to the last world of the game. I still haven't collected everything nor have I beaten every level in the game yet, although slowly but surely I'm getting better at everything.

There is one level... it's a character unlock level, of which there is one to the normal worlds... and anybody who has played the game knows which level I'm talking about. I have found endless difficulties with that level to the point where I played a level I should be able to beat in under a minute for about four hours straight. I beat the first level, but had so much trouble on the next that I had to quit, therefore losing all of my progress. Woo-boy was I unhappy with that one.

I played the game on the Xbox 360 (Xbox Live Arcade), but it is also available on Steam at the very least. It's a great game. It has hours and hours and hours worth of gameplay. It is difficult enough to make you earn every hour you play and every victory you gain. I like the game, but the frustration cannot be summed up by a person who has never played it. It's terribly difficult, a callback to older days, and I certainly wish  more games like it would exist.

All of that being said, with its unique story and characters, great controls and gameplay, and difficult challenge, I find this game to be perfect for a video game player like myself. I love the difficulty and the challenge. It gives me something to strive for within the game, something to push myself forward to accomplish. So, I'll recommend this game to those who like an interesting and unique challenge of a video game, but don't say I didn't warn you...

Video Game Assessment: The Binding of Isaac (2011)

"BLASPHEMY!" I did not yell about this game because that would be incredibly stupid. I have to roll my eyes about how people can be so sensitive about anything and everything in this age of information and knowledge. Everything can and probably is offensive in some way. Why do people have to take these things so personally. Look, I'll be offensive right now. I dislike most people and think that their opinions are more than likely wrong if they disagree with my own. Does that make me a bad person? Probably, but in my head I'm not bad at all. My friends think I'm okay. My family likes me well enough. My girlfriend doesn't abuse me that often... Look, my point here isn't that offensive material or potentially offensive material be blocked, but rather that it should be embraced. If you call me hurtful names, I'm going to brush it off, maybe even embrace those names because... why not? I'm pretty sure my taste in movies has been insulted too many times to count. I would rather watch 1408 than The Third Man, rather see 12 Monkeys  than The Matrix or Dark City. I prefer anything to Shutter Island. My point is that this rather offends some people despite that being my own personal opinion. I'm not wrong, but that doesn't make me right either. My point is that people should stop being sensitive and just shut up. If you're offended by The Binding of Isaac, don't play it. Simple as that. if you're offended by gay romances in Mass Effect 3, don't romance the gay characters. I mean... how difficult is it to avoid these things? Answer: Not very.

I start out with the controversy when I'm talking about this game because the religious or anti-religious content in this game is... well, it's barely there at all. The story is simple, barely touched upon at all. Yes, this game seems to make fun of hardcore evangelical Christianity, but why shouldn't that be allowed? It should and has to be allowed. It's a freedom of expression and speech. If a person is comfortable with their beliefs than why should this be blasphemous or dangerous or insidious or whatever else? It's a fun little game with a bunch of incredibly well done items that seem to critique the ideas of Christianity in some very silly ways. If it's taken seriously, then maybe some hardcore Christians should take a long, hard look at themselves, and if it's simply a parody of these beliefs, then why is it inflaming so many people?

I guess the fact that other "mainstream" systems that aren't Steam aren't accepting The Binding of Isaac into their game libraries peeves me off a little. It's unfair to this incredibly clever game. So should people be upset about this game? No. It's a game, people, a fun, enjoyable experience with some religious overtones. It has a not dissimilar feel to the novel Carrie by Stephen King. Why is that novel or the movie not screamed at and about? It's like people are afraid that children and other people who play this game may start to doubt beliefs... Hmmm. if a video game has the ability to steer people away from beliefs then I guess those beliefs are pretty shoddy, wouldn't you say? I kid to a point, but seriously, this game is ridiculous and strange and has no real bearing on anybody who is a normally religious person. It isn't subversive or angry about religion. It simply states a story, in my opinion, through the eyes of an extremely disturbed and abused child. His mother is "religious" and hear the voice of "God" telling her to kill her son, Isaac. That sounds like a suspiciously similar story to the actual binding of Isaac by Abraham in the Bible itself, a story that is pretty odd on its front too, trying to show that trust in God is more important than earthly anythings. Now, I'm not going to scream at the Bible or anything. It's a story. I doubt very many people hear the voice of God telling them to kill their children, and I think it's something that wouldn't happen today. A child is incredibly important, and as a parent, even if God tells you to kill that child, it is your responsibility to not do that. That would be really stupid on both God's part and the part of the parent. So, showing this religious mother attempting to kill her neglected, abused, and naked son is reprehensible and insane, and maybe a good way to show how the Bible can at times be absolutely ridiculous and unrealistic, which isn't a bad thing.

Anyway, the game itself is endless fun. Unlocking different items is always fun and different combinations of different items work differently and give each and every game a different feel. It's a game that I compare to the original Legend of Zelda, and it plays fairly similarly to that and has clear homages to it as well in terms of the item rooms and some of the bosses and enemies. You can play as six different characters in the game; all of them play differently and each (except the joke character) has a religious name like Isaac himself does: Magdalene, Judas, Cain, and Eve. Another character, Samson, is slated for the expansion The Wrath of the Lamb, which comes out at the end of the month.

The main enemy of the game seems to be Isaac's mom herself, but really, in the end, it seems to be Satan. In find that both comical and interesting. The game is incredibly fun.It's enjoyable to play at any time,but does have its own frustrations and difficulties. I've run into a few bugs, usually not terrible ones, but bugs nonetheless. Most of them have been character models disappearing or color palettes changing around at odd times. The game can be incredibly difficult at times and is often very luck based, which can be problematic for the harder to play characters like Eve and ???. If the right materials and items are not dropped, those characters will often fail to defeat the game. There are eleven different endings and the game ramps up the difficulty after you finish the game a certain amount of times. It's only available on Steam, which due to my owning an incredibly crappy computer, meant that to play it I had to install Steam. I did and the game works well, but I really would have rather not installed Steam if given the choice. I wish the game could have been on other platforms. It's rather sad that it isn't.

Anyway, this is an extremely enjoyable, almost addictive game, and should be played by everybody. I spent $4.99 on the game and it was worth every penny for the hours of gameplay and enjoyment I received from it. I also hope that I offend at least one person with this review and what I see herein. Or at least anger some people because of the assumed censorship going on. Man, I would love to have actually offended someone. That would make my day. This game isn't worth people getting up in arms about it. It's a fun experience that does not really need anybody outraged against it. Seriously, anybody outraged needs to reassess their lives and what actually really matters in those lives.

Anyhow, I recommend this game to anybody with a decent computer. It's fun, addictive, challenging, and altogether a really well put together game. It's made by Edmund McMillen, co-creator of Super Meat Boy, and it shows, with this game having a very similar art style and even some of the same characters from Super Meat Boy. Oh, I should probably mention that this game is considered in the Roguelike genre, despite the fact that I've never played Rogue.

Video Game Assessment: Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception (2011)

Hell yes. Hell yes!

My review of this game was originally going to be me saying that simple sentence above about fifty times. That's what this game is. It's a can of "Hell yes!" This game is fantastic through-and-through, great levels, great gameplay, great characters, and great story. There's almost nothing to dislike here, unless you dislike mass slaughter in video games or Nathan Drake as a character. Well, I guess you could be in the audience that doesn't like it because it rips off of Indiana Jones. Fair enough, I say.

Well, despite being a bit of a rip-off, it's a fantastic rip-off. It's a game that looks and feels original even while seeming to be a bit of a love letter to Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. It's a good movie to give a love letter to, easily my favorite Indiana Jones film, and despite being similar to the movie, Uncharted 3 does a lot differently. The story is wholly original. The gameplay feels sublime. The characters are realistic and wonderfully done through and through. Sully is fantastic. Cutter, a character introduced in this game, is also fantastic. Drake himself is wonderful as well. The game plays the same as its always played, but there are some interesting innovations, mostly with fighting mechanics. Boy, did they love those fisticuffs mechanics.

And you know something? It works. The fights have weight behind them and never really feel old or tiring. The places where a gun fight is going to be difficult, the gun fight is difficult. The places where climbing or running from something is going to be difficult, it's difficult there too. The game feels right. It feels good. Certainly there are some rougher things, but innovation is going to get you that. Some of the scenes and story moments go on a little too long or don't make as much sense as they should, and, like the second game, some parts of the game can be incredibly frustrating and trial-and-error.

Now, that's not a bad thing. It just simply is. Games should be difficult to feel like you've accomplished something in the end. And I feel like I have simply by playing this game. I feel like I can't say as much as I want to or need to. I can't say enough good things about this game.

The locales are gorgeous as is expected in these games. And the first half of the game is brilliant in my opinion. The pacing, the gameplay, the look and feel of the game... everything is right. The characters and situations works well together, blending ideas and emotions, and making something suitably awesome in its wake. The villains are some of the best villains I've ever seen. They're easy to hate and wonderful to hate. There was even a scene near the middle of the game that made me recoil from the screen seeing how ruthless the main villain of the game is. I don't think that any other game has ever made me do that, and that's a testament to the power of writing in this game.

The second half is also well done, but also very challenging. There are fewer characters to interact with, and that buddy system throughout the first half of the game seems to go away in the second, and, honestly, it felt disappointing to leave certain characters behind. I did like the Arabic levels though. I can speak and understand a smattering of basic Arabic, and it was cool to hear and understand some common phrases. I thought it was neat, but that's just because it personally wowed me.

The ending and some of the more psychological elements to the game are also fantastic, but knowing me, they would be, wouldn't they? I have a thing for well done psychological stuff and this game has a good heap of it, especially towards the end. Hell, it kind of throws in some dark psychological horror like stuff, and how could I not like that? Seriously.

I also loved the voice acting and the music and everything about this game. The difficulty could be a bit bad at times, but never bad enough that I couldn't finish a level. Honestly, altogether, it was a fantastic game and I have nothing bad to rant about and only good things to say, so I'm going to recommend it and stop.

Anyway, this was my favorite new game of the year, and what a year it's been. I've played through a few games for the first time this year, including Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts II, Dragon Age II, Uncharted 3, The Lord of the Rings: War in the North, Portal 2, Psychonauts, and The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Honestly I've liked them all. Uncharted 3 is still my favorite of the year though, and, honestly, I kind of like it better than the second game as well. But anyway, those are my two cents.

I do have some more reviews coming in January, don't you worry, but this will be my last review of the year. Expect a heavy review of Mass Effect 2 as well as a possible review of Dungeon Siege III if I finish it in time. I have some movies I'll probably check out as well, and maybe a book or two if I get the time to read. Anyway, I'm off for this year! Have a great new year! 2012, fun times, right there... yup.

Movie Appraisal: How to Train Your Dragon (2010)

So, here's a fun movie here that was really nice and watchable.

All right, I'm going to admit that I have no idea how to review a movie like this. I don't even know what kind of genre this is. I AM LIKE A FISH OUT OF WATER REVIEWING THIS SUCKER. I'm used to horror, psychological horror, video games, horror, psychological... oh... I already said that. So, this child movie is kind of throwing me down, beating me up, and stealing all my lunch money, and I don't really know what to do. I'm basically letting this movie run off with my lunch money. I'm not even chasing the film down, tackling it to the ground, and then shoving its face in the snow, like I would do once upon a time if anybody dared to steal the lunch money of the Saquarry. I can be vicious is what I'm saying, like a small angry weasel of death come to reap your soul. Why would I reap your soul? WHY NOT?

Okay... okay... so, yeah... getting to the review... because I'm reviewing this. This is happening. I'm telling you I'm going to review a child movie full of dragons and tiny young people who kind of freak me out a little. What is with tiny young people anyway? Why are they so small and stupid? Oh, and if you are one of these children people (Children is such a stupid word.) then you should not tell me about it, because I... What am I doing here? Why am I ranting about how small things kind of freak me out? I think I'm supposed to be telling everybody reading this what I thought about this movie and probably making you either want to watch it because I'm a perverse individual full of hatred or because I'm a nice guy who thinks you'd enjoy it.

All right... All right... This is a good film. It was fun to watch. Kind of cute. I didn't mind the cuteness too much, but if there was an inch more of cuteness I would puked stakes of fire out of my nose. Yes, you don't understand. Cutesy films are not my kind of thing. This one wasn't bad though. I thought the plot was fun. The characters were interesting, but contrived. The whole Viking thing was interesting and silly, but also kind of fun as well. The imagery was pretty cool. The main dragon himself was neat, good ol' Toothless. The main character wasn't too annoying and I didn't mind him all that much.

Basically I did like this film even though it was WAY OUT OF THE WAY not my kind of genre. Basically this is about as far away from my genre of choice without getting into romantic comedy that I will allow myself to get. Romantic comedy makes me shoot suns of doom from every orifice of my body. So, I tend to avoid romantic comedies, especially those that involve that certain blonde that I'm not fond of or that guy who's in like every romantic comedy ever made who also happens to look like an absolute tool and if I knew any chick who was dating that douchebag, I would think less of her for doing so, to the point where I would disown her... even if I didn't own her in the first place... look, that's not the point. You're thinking I'm creepy, but you're not getting the point. Get the point. No, don't judge me... GET THE POINT.

Okay... is there anything else I should mention? Okay, the battle thing at the end of the movie was cool. The voices and characters and dragon design were pretty good.

Yup. That's about it.

I am so going to try and have more time this next week to actually watch something that I can actually review without making myself out to be completely out of control of every one of my faculties including mind control of myself...so, self-mind control, which should so be a thing... which it is, I guess, but it should be called that constantly.

I am so going to try and review Silver Bullet before next week arrives. I've been wanting to review that movie for months...