Movie Appraisal: Europa Report (2013)

Watching this film I am reminded of Apollo 18, only Apollo 18 with a bit more science, a bit more bite, and a lot more character. Again, as I've said a million times before, I like these space horror movies. Something about them strikes the right place in my scientific mind. Maybe it's something about the unknown and the unknowable. Or maybe it's simply that love of discovery and exploration. I don't think there will ever be a moment when movies like this won't appeal to me in even the smallest of ways.

I say it reminds me of Apollo 18, but this a movie that was made to be more than a simple schlocky horror movie. It was made, definitely made, to be a thinking person's film, one about sacrifice, science, and ultimately the unknown. While it's hard to exactly call a "horror" movie per se, I do believe it has those elements to it, relying on tension, claustrophobia, and mystery to tell its doomed story.

The plot is about a group of six astronauts going into the unknown reaches of space, to Europa (as seen in the title), which is one of the largest moons in the solar system and a moon of Jupiter. It also has scientific value, being one of the few places in our own solar system that could have liquid water on it and therefore may also have life. Thus, unlike our own cold dead moon, Europa might be a more viable option in terms of extraterrestrial life. Because of this, and a few other reasons I'll get into shortly, this movie seems like an answer to Apollo 18's questionable storytelling.

First of all, unlike that other movie, this one tells how the transmissions of what happened got back to Earth. It also gives more believable creatures for the environment. Finally, the emotions and characters are certainly there, putting this above and beyond most space horror movies. This one seems to be more in league with 2001: A Space Odyssey and Moon to name a few. It is a serious movie with serious science and serious acting backing it up. The musical score is excellent throughout as well, but... there are issues. And I'll get into those shortly.

The story is nonlinear, following two basic storylines. The first is the landing of the landing module of the Europa One (the spacecraft) onto the moon. The second is the loss of the first astronaut of the mission, which also was the point in the mission that the communications' devices went offline. The second story is the first in chronological order, although its climax doesn't occur until about halfway through the movie. So, throughout the first half of the movie, we know that an astronaut has been lost and the communications are not working, but we have no idea why or what happened. Then we are told, and such a tale it is.

There was an unexpected solar flare that started the bad business and bad luck of the mission. It took out a great deal of systems, but notably took the communications to Earth offline as well. The two engineers, Andrei and James, go out to fix what needs fixing. There is an unexpected accident in which Andrei rips the hand of his spacesuit and James becomes contaminated with hydrazine, which is a toxic chemical. James saves Andrei but sacrifices himself for the mission in an unbelievable and frankly upsetting way. It was an emotional scene meant to evoke an emotional response, and you know what? It got me.

It speaks to the performances of all the actors in the movie, but specifically of Sharlto Copley, who plays James, and Michael Nyqvist, who plays Andrei. They are both amazing in this movie, even though James' time on screen is limited. That's not to downplay the other actors, but those two did such a great job that they deserve a special mention. All the acting here is good though. Very solid performances throughout.

With James' death, the mission goes on but without the enthusiasm it had once had. They land on Europa, start their science, and discover that all is not right. There are mysterious lights in the distance, more radiation than expected, and something odd under the surface of the ice...

This leads to a tense conclusion that leaves you wanting so much more. And with that there's a twist that will leave you reeling, almost like you were punched in the gut. I'm going to spoil it because I want to talk about it. Skip the rest of this paragraph if you don't want to know what it is. When it is revealed that Rosa didn't escape, and therefore didn't survive the mission, it is like a blow in the face. Throughout the movie there were cuts to several interviews, one of which was the CEO of the private group that financed the mission, one was a scientist talking about the mission, and the final was Rosa. These interviews were all implied to be taking place after the fact. And it is a blatant misdirection. Rosa gave her "interview" towards the end of the mission, as a last ditch effort to talk to Earth and tell their doomed story. That hit me hard, especially because I truly believed that she had survived the mission as so many of these characters do. Like Apollo 18 though, there are no survivors, only a record. To me that's perfect and wonderful, upsetting and perfect storytelling.

I think that's my ultimate point (as I stop with spoilers), the storytelling here is fantastic even if the technical pieces of the movie are less than stellar at times. And that brings me to a few of my gripes. The first is that at times the found footage aspect of the film wears thin. I understand why it was used, and I appreciate it in terms of the narrative. That being said, I simply did not like how many cuts there were, how fast the cameras would cut at times, and the amount of shaking and video static that would appear on screen. Honestly, it gave me a bit of a headache, something I did not appreciate all that much. Not all found footage films have quite that much interference and movement of cameras, but this one had way too much for my liking.

I also did not like the creatures. While they do not show up as a true creature, full and in frame, until the very end of the movie, I did not like that aspect of it. It was the monster shot, pure and simple, and the payoff seemed sillier than I wanted out of this mostly serious movie. The CGI was not good in that moment and the Europa monster was not believable just like certain MOON MONSTERS from Apollo 18 were also silly and unbelievable. Maybe if the CGI was better I would have appreciated the monster more, but in the end it left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I get the feeling my imagination would have been happier without a concrete answer to what the Europa creature was. Instead I see it as a glowing octopus monster, which takes away any thrills, fear, or mystery that it could have had.

Again, while these are legitimate gripes, it doesn't really take away from the brilliance that I see in this movie. It's very good, with some legitimately touching and terrifying moments that will keep you on the edge of your seat. If you like space horror movies or space thriller movies or space mystery movies or space movies, then you will probably like this one quite a bit. I know I've compared this movie quite a bit to Apollo 18, but the comparison stands up quite well. You could also compare it to Sunshine (without some of that movie's more slasher moments). But out of the found footage space horror genre, this is probably tops right now. Check it out if you can. I recommend it fully.

I'm also glad I could wash the bad taste of the terrible movie I watched yesterday out of my mouth. Blegh.

Movie Appraisal: Bunnyman (The Bunnyman Massacre) (2011)

"We're gonna need a lot of therapy."

You know when a movie comes along, and you instantly know it's going to be garbage? Yeah, I know it too. This movie is that kind of deplorable garbage. It is literally the worst horror movie- nay, the worst movie period- I've seen so far this year, if not since I started reviewing- if not of all time. While I know there are worse movies out there, I cannot think of a single one that bored me as much as this one did. I can't think of another movie that made me as literally furious as this one did. And I can't think of a single movie that made me dislike the story (ha ha "story"!), characters, and filming like this one certainly did. I hated this movie.

Hated it. Burning passion hated it.

I think I'm supposed to justify my feelings on this movie, saying how this thing or that thing didn't work. I'm supposed to inform you, the reader, about what was wrong, what didn't work, and how this thing, this garbage, could be improved. Mostly, I'm supposed to give an opinion, say what I thought.

Okay. What I thought was that every single second of this movie was excruciating. I hated every last one. There wasn't a single moment I could describe as even halfway mediocre. All I can do is think back on the WORST films I've reviewed like The Innkeepers, Marronnier, and The Reaping. And all of those compare favorably to this pile of excrement that somebody had the audacity to call a movie.

I don't even know where to begin or if I can begin. Despite being billed as a rated R graphic violence gore film, there is almost none of that. I don't like gore much myself, but if the movie is going to have the moniker of that, why not actually have it in the movie? I don't think there is a single truly graphic scene, with most scenes that should have blood or gore making the discretionary shot go out of frame or underneath something or other. Either that or the camera simply starts lilting upwards away from the action. What horror movie even does that? I guess if you are a director afraid of gore, this is how you would make a movie, but seriously, why? It's almost compelling in its complete lack of sense. I want to know how something can be this bad. I want to know how somebody could even do this.

And the lack of visceral scenes really stand out because there are bits of the movie that are kind of graphic. And the kills should be exceedingly graphic. But they're not, which confuses me to no end. Did somebody have a weak stomach on set? Did they think they were going too far and needed to stop the action and avert the eyes?

I'm focusing on this, but it's so weird in a low budget horror film like this to not have FUN with blood and gore effects. And that's what it truly seems like to me. It seems like a not very fun low-budget horror movie, which baffles the mind. Why even make a movie like this, a slasher movie like this, if you aren't either going to have a good time or shake up the genre a little.

This movie is no shake up. It's a rehash of a thousand other slasher films. College kids out in the wilderness stalked by a crazy family, all of them having one issue or another, with one of them the main killer who wears a mask. Oh boy. I could seriously be talking about Texas Chainsaw Massacre, couldn't I? Or any number of rip-offs of that movie and its premise. This isn't even a good rip-off, having no real personality as a movie with only a scattering of unique lines, no unique characters, and a plot that is literally bare bones.

The weird thing is that the survivors of this movie seems to not even care that their friends are all dead. The main girl is literally smiling at the end of the movie, completely ruining any tone or message the movie might have had. Then again, with a movie like this I checked out within the first five minutes, counting down every minute, every second, like it was pain all the way. I've been spoiled a bit this year, with very few truly bad movies that I've looked at. Hell, more often than not I've been watching and recommending the horror movies. That's incredible. And right before I watched this, I was watching Pacific Rim, which is a tough movie to follow, I'll admit.

The characters really have no character. The lines are often blurted out with no real meaning. There are long periods of silence and it doesn't work here. I almost feel as if the director, Carl Lindberg, wanted to make an artistic slasher film, especially with the bookends of the 8mm film at either of the real movie. It almost seems like it could have been intended to be artistic, a real art-house horror film that takes away the gore in favor of atmosphere. Except it fails. It fails literally every test a movie can fail. It is not coherent, not well shot, has a terrible audio mix. IT HAS TERRIBLE AUDIO QUALITY. What movie even does that anymore? I can take a video with my goddamn cell phone and have better audio quality than this movie does. That's not even right. This was a movie made just a few years ago, and it's this bad? That's insane to me. Hell, during one of the final scenes in the movie, when the main guy has the chainsaw and is going to kill the villainess of the movie, the sounds are literally deafening, so much so that the actors are barely heard over the roar despite screaming their lines awkwardly at one another. It's incredible and amateur and all kinds of wrong in every way.

The acting is bad, although not as bad as it could have been. There are moments of decency mixed in with the absolutely terrible acting. The film is never scary, but again, there are tense moments, even if they are few and far between. More often than not though, the protagonists do something stupid, idiotic, or just plain wrong, and all you can do is scream at your screen and hold your head in your hands as your fingers try to rip all of the hair out of your balding from rage head.

This is a failure of a movie, and not even an interesting failure like some of the movies I've watched. This one is just baffling and wrong, taking away any gore merit it might have had in favor of trying to be more artistic which falls as flat as it sounds. I know there are better known worse films out there. This movie isn't the worst in the world by a long stretch, but it certainly isn't good either. If I had been watching it for pleasure rather than for review, I would have turned it off five minutes in. That's how absolutely terrible it was.

I can't tell you enough to avoid this movie at all cost. Do not buy it. Do not give it to a friend as a joke. Do not touch it. It is better to just leave it alone. This movie has now gained the distinction as the worst movie I've reviewed so far. Now, I need a palate cleanser. Maybe I'll watch and review one of the movies I've been really wanting to rather than a movie that just kind of fell into my lap by chance.

Final verdict: not scary, really stupid, don't watch under any circumstances ever.

Oh, and just to get you to seriously not check this movie out, I described it to my fiancee as the movie equivalent of newborn puppies dying. Take that as you will, readers.

Goosebumps Review: Let's Get Invisible!

Now you see him.
Now you don't!

Let's get Invisible! is my favorite Goosebumps book I've read so far. This is actually funny because this was the first book I was dreading going into. I was not fond of this book as a child and barely remember anything from it whatsoever. It took me quite a bit longer to read this than I would have liked, and all throughout the process I was fighting myself to get through it, not knowing it would be as good as it turned out to be.

This is actually quite a good book, easily the best of the six I've read so far. It's also easily the scariest. This one gave me a chill down my spine with this line, "I had the strangest sensation that the mirror was pulling me, tugging me toward it, holding me down." Something about this line and what subsequently occurs is actually quite creepy. Maybe it also helps that this has been an October full of mirror horror movies- for some reason. Not sure why. I certainly didn't go out of my way to plan these reviews all that far in advance. I just kind of grabbed random horror movies and this is what came for me to review. It might be that all of those mirror-based horror movies were getting to me a little bit as I read this. Or maybe this book does deliver the scares just a little bit better than the other five so far.

The book starts out with Max, our main character, having a birthday party and eventually finding a hidden room in his attic containing an old mirror with a light switch on it. He pulls the switch and goes invisible. So, we're talking another relatively simple premise. Max has some friends (and his younger brother) who are also involved, but they're there much more for window dressing than being actual characters. Max and the mirror are the main pieces of the story when you come right down to it.

And the mirror is basically an SCP.

Oh no, you might say, he's going on about SCPs again! Let's all hide forever!

Wait! Don't do that! It'll only be a second! Look, it's a mirror that makes one invisible by pulling the light string attached to the mirror. Nothing else is explained except that in becoming invisible it allows the reflections in the mirror to come alive. Kind of. They come alive when the person first gets invisible, but they can only do anything when the person stays invisible for a long period of time. That right there, that I like. It's about a slow burn of horror rather than a stick in the eye of horror. It doesn't happen instantaneously, and actually takes a while to actually happen. Even Max, the careful one of the group, still goes invisible on his own despite having misgivings. The mirror is so awesome! And what could go wrong, right? WHAT COULD GO WRONG, RIGHT?

SCP, that's what, you idiot.

And that's why this book is so good. It holds onto the horror with an element of mystery. Even the point-of-view character has no real idea whether he should be afraid, nonchalant, or adventurous. His fighting spirit is the only thing that saves him in the end, but so much of this book isn't even about the ultimate ending. It's about fooling around with something dangerous, exciting, and ultimately unknown. It grabs the attention by having an actual mystery to it, a mystery that is never solved, as well as showing how kids (and adults in their stead) would act around a mirror that would make one invisible. I think it's very effective. It works really well for me.

Max finally being pulled into the mirror and facing off against his reflection is an idea I really like. The execution is well done, and the fear is there as well. The inexorable pull towards the mirror while invisible makes one feel both powerless and unreasonably claustrophobic. I truly liked it.

There isn't anything else to really talk about. The story is solid, if simple. The characters are the for set dressing except for Max. And the mirror is literally the most important thing there. I mean, if anything this book would be based on some kind of body snatcher story rather than anything to do with either mirrors or invisibility since neither of those aspects of the story really feature in the main plot of the story. Other than that-

I did not like this story as a kid. I don't remember much from it, and that's actually a huge shame. This is a really good and really effective book. It's kind of creepy, and that's more than I can say for the earlier five books. I hope by this point in the series R. L. Stine finally realized that perfect spot to scare kids and adults alike. Because that's what I want: horror, even if it is horror for the very young.

Audiobook Evaluation: "Ur" (2009) by Stephen King

"Ur" is a novella of note. It shows how Stephen King has gotten so incredibly good at creating great stories out of almost nothing. And it's almost unbelievable how good he can be at writing horror even when the ideas aren't quite as unique or as interesting as they once might have been. Regardless, he writes something here that is both incredibly good, really creepy, and very compelling. His skills as an author have increased as time has gone by, and I have to say that I'm really impressed by how good so much of his short fiction has been. This novella doesn't disappoint, even starting with a simplistic premise, it really does bring on everything Stephen King is known for- and much more besides.

This could be called a love story, although I'd be reticent to really indulge in that line of thought. It has elements of a disintegrating (or reinvigorating) relationship, as well as a bunch of very well thought out elements of both horror and philosophic thought. I am going to spoil most of the plot in this analysis, so go away if you don't want it spoiled for you.

"Ur" involves an English professor coming in contact with a pink Amazon Kindle that gives him links to other realities. King seems to love the idea of multiple worlds, and this novella really fleshes some thoughts out about it. Clearly it also follows the Stephen King Dark Tower mythos as well. How couldn't it with the multiple worlds and the low men in yellow coats?

I love this story, It works in so many ways while being both intelligent and very simple. There isn't a whole lot here to really look at or think about, but the story works so well. It really made me think, and it really brought me to a level of excitement that only Stephen King novellas can. I can't think of a single novella by King that hasn't impressed me in some way. And this follows that tradition, heavily reminding me of "N." and the narrative powerhouse that that novella brought to the table.

"Ur" isn't quite as complex or rabidly interesting as "N." was, but the multiple worlds and multiple realities thing really intrigues me. I love when that comes up in fiction, and I can't think of a better author to bring those ideas to the forefront than King. He has both a passion for it and really good stories that surround those ideas.

The Ur Amazon Kindle is basically an SCP. Yeah, I bringing SCPs up again, sorry about that. But this is the classic story of an object with unnatural talents it seriously can't and should never have. It's not truly supernatural... but then again, shouldn't it be just a little supernatural if it takes stuff from all these different worlds? I don't know. I just know that the writing, the characters, and the plot all work for me. They all hit that right feeling between realistic and slightly terrifying that I absolutely love.

I can't really say anything but good things about this. I listened to it in audiobook format, just like I did with "In the Tall Grass." I would say that that audiobook was slightly better read than this one was, but this one was just fine in terms of how it was presented. I think I liked this story slightly better though, simply because it appeals to my specific likes in the horror genre just a little more than forever tall grass with ancient stones that won't let you leave. Something about this whole story has an intellectual feel to it that I simply can't stop loving.

So, beyond that, there's not much to say. The story is all there, really simple with some great twists and turns, specifically when the main characters realize exactly what they have in front of them, what power it holds, and what they can (and will) do with it. And the connections to The Dark Tower will always intrigue me. The more Dark Tower connections King does, the happier I'll be. That's just my opinion, sure, but I certainly do like that series quite a bit despite most people simply not caring about it (from my experience at least).

I don't have anything else. Check the novella out. It's really worth it, especially if you listen to audiobooks often, like short fiction, or simply like Stephen King and/or his Dark Tower books.

Movie Appraisal: Mirrors 2 (2010)

I was expecting absolute garbage with this movie. Instead, I got something halfway decent. So, I'm actually pretty happy here, despite its direct-to-video status and C-grade actors, this is actually a completely watchable little horror flick. Yes, it's surprising, and, no, it isn't as bad as what the critics and reviews say. They're also the ones who semi-liked Mirrors, which was not a good movie at all for the most part. Here, at least, the plot is coherent and keeps going rather than focusing on completely uninteresting things. And the director, Victor Garcia, seems to kind of know what to do with a horror movie.

So, if you haven't read my synopsis of the original Korean film Into the Mirror, then go read it now. This plot is virtually identical to that one if the police stuff and the ending are completely removed. Well, the characters' names change too, but that's obvious. This is the movie Mirrors should have been, rather than the awkward and dumb family drama THING it turned out to be. With the focus on basically being a remake of Into the Mirror it works quite well, if only because it is literally only Americanizing that story rather than just picking and choosing scenes, excising them, and putting an inferior plot around them like Mirrors did.

I think the only thing Mirrors did better- okay two things- would be the kidnapping a nun, which I still can't get over, and having Kiefer Sutherland, who is a viably good actor. Besides that, this is absolutely the superior movie of the two. It has better scenes, a better plot, more visceral deaths, and a greater coherency and tightness to its storytelling. I honestly think that it will be a while before I forget some of the deaths of this little film.

Man, the eating glass scene is certainly something to behold. Now, that's something different. I haven't seen that in a movie before as far as i can remember, and it's all kinds of seriously awful in the best way. I don't like gore all that much, but it worked really well, making me very uncomfortable and creeping me out without actually showing all that much besides blood. The thing is eating glass is not even killing. That's just the ghost screwing around. That tells me that this mirror ghost (who hopefully isn't a nun-demon) is absolutely bent on getting revenge in the nastiest way possible.

I'm okay with this.

Surprisingly, this is one of the first films this year that I can remember any nudity in. Maybe there may have been brief glimpses of something or other in other movies, but this one is very blatant and obvious, almost a full nude on screen. I was kind of rolling my eyes at the gratuity of it all, especially in the way it was done, but whatever. While it lingered, I knew she was going to die, so I kind of shrugged it off and went, "NUDITY ALERT!!!" basically yelling it when the scene came up. It made me feel better.

Just so you know, I don't care too much one way or the other about nudity in movies. I guess, to me, it's all about how it's handled. I don't like skeevy nudity, but this was just kind of there. So, it was the kind of nudity you just kind of shrug off and say, "Those guys..." It didn't affect the film much, but I probably would have been happier if it weren't there. It seemed out of place to the rest of the movie. Maybe that's just me though. I don't really watch these films for nudity.

Well, that nude scene ends with a CGI head pulling off in a mirror. Wow. And then she goes flying through the glass of her shower somehow. Right through the damn glass. Jenna's death is kind of unintentionally hilarious, and is probably the last piece of the movie that could be called kind of terrible. The rest of the movie is actually quite well done and competent. It's just that the gratuitous nudity mixed with blatant CGI does not make the scene all that good. Plus at one point there are two reflections in the same mirror. Why are there two reflections? That- that negates the point of the movie. That... what? I kind of want to know if it could be a mistake. I have to imagine it is. Nothing like that happens in the rest of the movie. It seems like a fairly massive oversight though for a major death scene.

The goriness is actually kind of decently done. It certainly makes me uncomfortable, especially in Ryan's death scene. That scene was literally brutal to watch.

Another question: Why is the reflection scared of Max? That's dumb. It seems to disappear or not harm others when he is around. Is he some kind of mirror talker? Or one who can speak to ghosts? I think the point of the accident in the early bits of the movie was to imply that he could have died on one side of the mirror already (SPOILER ALERT kind of like the ending to the other two movies), and that somehow let's him withstand the mirrors and their influence? I guess? Then again, just like Into the Mirror, the ghost only punishes the guilty. So, those without guilt have nothing to fear. Which leads me to wonder why the ghost screws around with so many other people. I guess it's just because movie tension, but it kind of defeats the purpose of a vengeful spirit who only attacks those who hurt her.

Anyway, the direction and acting are quite good at times, so much so that I can't believe this is direct-to-video. Mirrors 2 works quite well as both a story and a nice horror movie. Some of the effects are actually quite good, like the inside the mirror stuff, with the cracking world and whatnot. It worked incredibly well for me. Seriously a great idea. Whoever came up with it should start writing their own movies now.

I don't know. I get the feeling everybody is going to disagree with me about this movie, but it works so freaking well for me. I honestly recommend it. It's a neat little horror film that's, no, not as good as the original Korean film, but is so much better than Mirrors that it's ridiculous. It works really well doing what it does. It has a very tight story, some nice effects, good direction at times, and the acting really is not half bad here. No, the nudity doesn't appeal to me. And it basically is an American remake of Into the Mirror. But that's not a bad thing. In fact, it's really quite nice. I also like some of the little added things this movie has. Max, the main character (played by Nick Stahl), can't drive after his accident. Either through refusal or his license was taken away. So, throughout the film, he never drives, and it's never outright stated he can't. That's good storytelling, which is just letting the movie happen, not explaining every single detail.

The only thing that makes this a sequel to Mirrors is the Mayflower department store that is in both movies. beyond that they basically stand alone. To me, this is the true remake, while Mirrors is simply just really terrible. I wasn't expecting much, and I'm so glad I actually got a semi-decent horror film.

Yes!

Movie Appraisal: Kaidan (怪談) (2007) and J-Horror Theater Wrap-Up

From the director of Ringu, Hideo Nakata, we have Kaidan, a movie about a curse and a ghost. As the fifth movie in the J-Horror Theater series, I wasn't expecting much. Hell, the fourth and sixth movies were not all that good in my opinion, with the sixth one, Kyofu, being a trainwreck of a movie. Kaidan is a masterpiece. While calling it strictly a horror movie is laughable, it is a great movie to just watch. Hideo Nakata could never make a better movie than this, and yet he would still have made one of the great ghost story movies of all time with this one.

While the story is a tradition Japanese one about a legacy of death, a curse, and love, it is also fantastically put together. A moneylender is killed by a broken Samurai in old Japan. The Samurai dies himself soon after, and their children grow up orphans. The moneylender's daughters grow to be beautiful and powerful in Old Tokyo (Edo), while the Samurai's son is very clearly of a lower status. He falls in love with one of the daughters, but their relationship is cursed, and when he decides to leave her, he is cursed as well.

And that's the basic story. I know it has been told before in movies like The Depths (1957) and others, but this is one of the more recent re-tellings of an old tale with a tragic story. The movie is art in motion throughout, showcasing both acting talent and a story that works incredibly well. It does take on the old idea that the sins of the father are passed down to the child, almost literally in the case of this movie. It shows that fate is fixed and cannot be changed. And a curse, a woman scorned, and ultimately fate... those things cannot be avoided. They will follow one around for the rest of his days.

Maybe it's a little silly, but a movie like this, made so traditionally about such a tradition matter, is exactly what I want to watch. It is one of the only period horror movies that I know about, which makes it very unique and incredibly interesting in its own right. I wasn't expecting what I received, neither the quality nor the absolute passion evident in this film.

Again, this is not strictly a horror film. While it has horror elements to it (mostly in small pieces and mostly at the end of the movie), it is much more of a historical drama of a sort. I would even call it a romance movie at times. While it doesn't always work, it damn well tries very hard to be something special, and I truly appreciate that. It hearkens back constantly to the ancestral sins as well showing that one's own sins can damn one as well. The way Shinkichi (the lead character) treats the women throughout the film can only be described as disheartening. While appearing to be a good man on the surface, he takes advantage of them, leaves them once they cannot give him what he wants, and finds another, prettier face. I know customs were different once upon a time, but I find it kind of sickening how easily he slimes his way through the story. Even then, there was a certain sadness I felt towards him at the end of the movie, before his ultimate fate is decided. It takes a great movie to make me feel something for a character I loathe, and this is certainly a special sort of movie.

Again, there really isn't horror here, so despite the moniker of J-Horror Theater, this is much more of a traditional ghost story, one of the ghost seeking revenge certainly, but one that shows very little in the way of actual scares. I would almost say that this movie is made in a way to be a throwback to early Japanese horror movies of the 1950s, 1960s, and 1970s. It has that style and feel to it, although I could be wrong, I suppose.

Anyway, this is a great movie and I recommend it all the way, just don't expect a horror movie, because this isn't really one of them, not in the modern sense of the term anyway.


So, I guess we're done with all six movies of the J-Horror Theater. What six movies they were too! We saw everything in the Japanese Horror repertoire, from Infection with its subtle gore and mindscrew attitudes to Kyofu and its terrible and bizarre story. We saw Premonition and Reincarnation, both with their slow builds and near-perfect stories, both full of so much horror and awe that they'll always remain in my mind as true quality. And then we saw Retribution, a movie that I should have liked, and ended up finding far too dry for my taste. But even that one had a certain something, even if it was simply a single perfect scene. And finally we have Kaidan, a traditional ghost story I won't soon forget. All six movies were something to watch, even if I found two of them less than stellar. All-in-all the J-Horror Theater experiment was a success, really showing the quality that Japanese horror movies can achieve when their best directors take on the task of making amazing movies.

I'm glad I finally reviewed all these movies. They've been on my plate for years and years. I have a few more series and sets of movies like this to review, probably not this year (not at this point anyway), but next year and the years after I'll need more horror movies to review, so why not? I don't think I'll forget these movies, and if this year goes down as my J-Horror Theater October, then so be it. I think I can be proud of these reviews and these movies for the most part. I will admit I really wasn't expecting much out of these last three reviews, especially since two out of my first three reviews of this series were fairly negative. I'm glad that these final three movies picked up the series, making it rise in my opinion, and making all the hours I put into watching and reviewing these movies definitely worth it.

Anyway, until tomorrow night... 

Movie Appraisal: Reincarnation (Rinne) (輪廻) (2005)

Reincarnation is my kind of horror movie. Being the third of the J-Horror Theater series, this film, like the first two, Infection and Premonition, also delivers a surprisingly amazing story as well as a scary as hell film. I'm actually really glad I've chosen to review all six of these movies this year because I've seen some amazing movies. I mean, wow. Yes, The Sylvian Experiments was terrible, and I wasn't hugely fond of Retribution either, but three out of five GREAT movies makes the whole series literally worth it. Yes, I have one more film to review, the fifth, Kaidan, which just might be coming soon, but I'm so pleased to have gotten to watch so many great horror movies this year so far.

This is a movie I won't spoil. I really think it is the creepiest so far, and well worth the watch. So, I give it a recommendation right away. Go watch this movie. It's so fulfilling, dealing with more philosophical elements, reincarnation (naturally), and fate, a theme which not enough movies truly explore. One of the reasons I don't want to spoil this movie is because there is a twist towards the end that is alone worth watching the movie for. It might be easy to see coming, but man, did it work for me even though I KNEW it was going to happen. Also, the reliance on fate and the past to tell the story here is one to behold. It is a mastery of storytelling rarely seen.

Can you tell I like this movie?

I do, by the way. I really like this movie.

The movie has a simple premise: A director wants to make a movie about the murder of eleven people in a hotel quite some time ago. He has a passion for the murder and wants it all to be perfect. While most of the movie is very slow-paced, used for building tension, atmosphere, and mystery, it works quite well, doing all of those things very effectively. There are flashbacks and memories throughout, mostly provided by those who are the reincarnated souls of those who were murdered in the hotel all those years ago. I seriously can't get over how effective the story is, and how insanely creepy the whole movie is despite its obvious lack of a ton of budget. I like how there seem to be callbacks to other famous horror movies as well, most notably The Changeling and its bouncing red ball and The Shining with Room 237. Because every single movie set in a hotel must have a room 237 reference. It is required by law. If you don't have a reference to it in your hotel movie you shall be beaten until you insert one in. I do enjoy those loving (and quick) references those. They work because they don't take away from this movie, and also because this movie is ridiculously good and can live up to and (in The Shining's case) exceed those other movies.

The faces at the beginning of the movie, the white faces in the trees, are so effective at creating the atmosphere in the movie right away. It drew me in and didn't let go. The visuals are fantastic throughout the movie, and the direction is superb, obviously showcasing a man with a great deal of talent. Oh, its the director of The Grudge, is it? And Marebito, another incredibly well directed movie. Takashi Shimizu, go ahead and take a bow. You have proven yourself as a master of the horror genre.

Oh, and the creepy doll that appears throughout the film? Yeah, I don't like creepy dolls. They freak me out. So, again, the movie is very effective at creeping me out.

I hate this doll.

Beyond that, this is the kind of horror movie I want to see every time I watch a scary movie. I want to see something original, unique, artistic, and ultimately very creepy. The atmosphere is great here. There's nothing extreme or gory about the movie. The direction is almost as interesting as an actual art-film, and the ending of the movie, with 8mm film interspersed with the actual movie is a grand experiment that really pays off. I don't know of many horror films, Japanese or otherwise, that can cut this deep, intriguing and scaring simultaneously so well. I know I have a ton of movies behind me and a few to come, but this movie right here, this one, Reincarnation, would alone be worth this entire month of reviews. Any better movies than this or movies on par with this one are just icing on the October cake. These reviews let me try new kinds of horror, and sometimes a gem can be a bit unknown or hidden from the public eye. This is the kind of movie I want to feature, one of such high quality and low notoriety, one that shows that horror is neither dead nor even suffering. People need to simply look in the right spots to find the really good stuff.

Movie Appraisal: Infection (Kansen) (感染) (2004)

"But he... He gets inside."

The best way to describe Infection is to call it a psychological horror mindscrew of a movie. I don't even know if the story is coherent enough to truly understand. It seems to be more focused on symbolism and interesting imagery than an actual plot. But I think that's also the point. I think it's an interesting movie, but one that is so utterly jumbled that sometimes it's more difficult to follow the psychology of the plot than just following the horror of it. As the first J-Horror Theater movie, this one is very good, giving the six movie "series" a great start. Director Masayuki Ochiai does a great job with directing, but his editor should be barred from ever editing again. It's a mess, seriously.

I went into this movie thinking it would be gory and awful to watch. I literally had to anticipate the gore effects that I really thought would be highlighting this movie, for better or worse. But this movie has very few truly gory moments to it, more lingering on characters' reactions to the offscreen gore than actual shots of gore. This is probably for budgetary reasons rather than artistic choice, but it worked well in my opinion, leaving more to the imagination and less to the eye, something that I always find effective.

Like Into the Mirror, this movie also has a focus on mirrors, to the point that this movie could have taken that movie's title and nobody would have known. I guess the idea here is that mirrors either tell the truth or give way to some alternate reality where guilt and conscience rule. And green blood. For reasons. I can't really understand the entirety of the plot or the point that they were trying to make. Sometimes these types of movies put symbolism for symbolism's sake into their movies. That could be the case here. I don't really know.

Anyway, Infection takes place at a hospital, following around a collection of nurses and doctors who are on a night shift. The hospital is overrun with patients (even though we only ever see a handful of them) and is financially sinking. Most of the first part of this movie is a medical drama unfolding, seeing how stressed these doctors and nurses are, seeing how difficult their work is, and seeing how exhaustion and the stress can lead to bad decision making.

A burned man falls from his bed, dies, is brought back to life, and then through medical error dies again, this time for good. The acting in this scene is excellent, as the doctors' both try to save one of their own by hiding the evidence of the error and bullying the nurses into accepting what they want to do to hide it. It's effective and eerie, with the whole scene playing out as if it could be pure comedy or pure sickening horror. Sometimes these things are difficult to pin down.

Throughout the beginning part of the movie, we are also treated to a collection of small scenes detailing an ambulance talking about a man with some kind of infectious disease that they found. These paramedics come into the hospital seeking help for the infected victim. Dr. Akiba, who is sort of the main character of the movie and the doctor who admitted error with the burn victim (in the scene after this), turns them away, which will have dire consequences on the rest of the movie. Again, burn victim dies from medical error, and then the chief nurse goes down to check the ER, only to find the infectious disease victim still there, the ambulance gone.

This is when the movie gets strange. Dr. Akai, the director of the hospital, has a collection of scenes being very adamant about studying the disease. His scenes are shocking in a way because of the way he acts. He is always stone-faced (except once), and he is filmed with some kind of filter, a green one, I believe, that leaves him looking washed-out and creepy. The victims organs are shown to be liquefying as well, but the person is still very much alive and coherent, even smiling at the doctors.

The movie rushes on, now being both confusing and disjointed, showing more a focus on horror than story. The nurse, four of them, die horrifically one-by-one, each taken out by the green infection starting from the chief nurse getting infected by the initial victim (whose body disappears) to each one of the others getting infected by one another, I believe. Parts of this movie can be confusing, which is why I'm kind of wondering myself what happened at times. Eventually, Dr. Uozumi, one of the lead characters, is also infected, and shown speaking to a person he had once killed accidentally. This incident cements the meaning of this movie and the infection to basically being something like guilt.

Dr. Akiba is told from the dead Akai (because Akai was the burn victim all along) that the infection is transmitted through the subconscious mind rather than through the air or by touch. This means that they were all infected in turn by the guilt they felt over the death of the patient or the way they treated someone else or how they screwed up medically once. Over this whole part of the film, and maybe I didn't catch every instance of this, but what it seems like is that the movie has the green film over it at times, showing some kind of alternate world... maybe even the mirror world where ghosts are still living as the old woman patient seems to imply many times.

The psychological elements show up near the end, as Dr. Akiba looks through a mirror and sees his blood as green blood, rather than the red blood he has in real life. And as a female doctor enters the hospital in the morning light, the awful truth is learned. The doctors and the nurses are all dead, no longer with the green blood and bile, but rather with red blood covering them, obviously killed by someone. Akiba (and the Pediatrician who wants to be a surgeon) are guilty of the crimes (at least in the eyes of the law).

And the film ends with the insanity of the final female doctor, Dr. Nakazono, after she signs off a boy from the beginning of the movie whose brain was bleeding, thus showing her the green blood world and her own infection. And then the boy with the fox mask shows up again, probably implying something with him, although I have no idea what. As an added thing, Akai, in Japanese, means red. Which probably has some meaning. Perhaps Dr. Akai was never real, more an implied person standing in for the real world or the infection. The final scene is Dr. Akiba, shut in the locker that kept opening earlier in the movie in the room they were trying to speed-decay the burn victim's corpse. His arm falls off with green blood attached. He is fully infected.

As a last point, there are some seriously scary moments to this movie, particularly the background scares that linger. Some of those moments were great visuals and left an impact on me. It will be hard to forget that chief nurse standing on the cot in the background of a single shot, her face as white as paper, knowing what will come next, and being unable to do a thing about it. Great direction all around, really showcasing the horrific elements of the story.

Oh man. This movie is both complex and very confusing at times. There are a great many details throughout the film, the blink-and-you'll-miss-them type of details. Honestly, this is a movie where a second viewing might be required just being of the complexity of detail. I would say that infection is all about guilt and that the infection attacks the guilty part of one's mind. Beyond that, I have no idea what this movie is. It's an effective horror movie, one with really bad editing, but great cinematography and direction. The acting is perfectly fine, although I wouldn't say anybody was particularly awesome in their role. It's a movie I would recommend as a horror movie for J-Horror fans. This movie is certainly not for everybody though, and I feel that to some it might be more frustrating and confusing than frightening. I liked it quite a bit, but also feel that it is far from perfect, particularly in its disjointed nature and focus on nothing at times. Check it out if you want an interesting little Japanese Horror movie. Just remember that it's all over the place in quality.

Goosebumps Review: The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb

What will wake the dead?

Here is a book quite a bit different from the first four Goosebumps books. For one, this book doesn't take place in an American neighborhood. Next, this book doesn't really have a message. And third, this is the first book where the main character is unlikable and annoying but still somehow sympathetic. This is a book I really don't have much to say. Honestly, this is the closest book of this series I've come to reading and just kind of shrugging aside. While it has its moments, it never becomes remarkable in any particular way. I do like what it kind of tries to do. I simply don't think it pushes the envelope quite far enough, even though threats of actual murder, a murderer, and actual physical violence play out quite shockingly in this book.

I never remember these books being filled with so much violence. I don't remember this one having the main antagonist, Ahmed, being an actual killer in the name of Priestess Khala. I remember the mummy room. That was still quite well done. And the deus ex machina of the mummy's hand was interesting in execution and foreshadowing.

The story is simple. Gabe and his family are on vacation in Egypt, the ancestral home of their family. They're visiting the pyramids and their relative, Ben, who is Gabe's uncle and also a prominent archaeologist. Gabe is eventually left with his uncle and his cousin, Sari, with most of the book being about Sari and Ben playing practical jokes on Gabe that seem quite mean-spirited in actuality. If my uncle played half of these practical jokes on me back in the day, I think I would have developed a complex or something. This is literally close to psychological torture. Dressing up like a mummy, barging into the kid's hotel room while he is alone and probably nervous? That's an actual terrible thing to do. Laughing at the kid when he is scared of being alone in a pyramid while his partner wanders off, hides in a sarcophagus, and scares the bejeezus out of him? That's going to leave some psychological scars, let me tell you.

Anyway, while most of the novel is literally about mean-spirited pranks, the horror comes in near the end. Ahmed is the real bad guy here. He tries to kidnap Sari and Gabe, then when they find his mummification room, he tries to suffocate them so that he can embalm them easily later. He's a pretty sick guy, basically brainwashed into revering and protecting his ancestor, the Priestess Khala. He knocks Uncle Ben upside the head with a torch, a graphic scene for the younger audience who will be reading this. Finally he literally says he's going to kill them all by throwing them in molten tar. So, he's not a nice fellow.

His murderous intent is just about the creepiest thing of the book (besides the obvious neglect of Gabe. He was so thirsty in the first chapter, and yet nobody would get him something to drink, the monsters.). And then the deus ex machina of Gabe having a magical mummy summoner hand he grabbed up at a yard sale one day seals the deal. This is a ridiculous story, more intended to have adventure occur for adventure's sake than to have even a lick of realism whatsoever.

I actually do like some of the mentions of how Egypt is different than America and how Gabe is Egyptian and not simple white like the other protagonists of the other books could be expected to be. I also like how there is a mixture of more ethnic and more "regular" names. It kind of gives the book a slightly more authentic book without alienating its intended audience.

I don't really have much else to say. I liked the Egyptian angle, and I think Ahmed as both crazy murderer and kidnapper works decently as a message to show kids that even the supposedly trustworthy might be a bad person. His sugary language and Gabe's attention to detail are the real take-aways I have from the book. Well, those and to avoid tar-pits and ancient Egyptian tombs, but those lessons are less than useful.

Gabe's relationship with his cousin, Sari, is also very interesting, showing that he has a certain amount of jealousy and spite for her. She tends to be better at things than he is, and he tends to have a bit of a complex about that and other things. That isn't a surprise really though. The way his family treats him should be giving him a complex. His relationships with other characters is very interesting though, and although maybe it isn't worth exploring in depth, it is kind of worth reading.

Besides that, I have nothing. It's a middle-of-the-road book, with some good moments, but not enough good ones to wholly recommend. I remember it being much more interesting back in the day than what I read for this review. I liked what I read back then, but probably because I had a thing for Egypt back then as well. After this reading, I see it much more as an interesting premise, taken from The Mummy and movies involving mummies, but one without a ton of bite. It never really reaches a very horror-filled feeling, and it falls flat in the end because the story is simply too foreign and unbelievable to be really good.

Book Evaluation: The Book of Eibon by Eibon (????)

I cannot take a picture of this book. I call it a book, but I do not think that is what it truly is. It is something beyond that, something that transcends that knowledge.

All I know is that I cannot take a picture of it.

I found it days ago, tucked behind one of the wheels of my car. There was not a note or any sign of acknowledgement of me. I assume that means I was given it randomly, although I can't believe that's true after all the things that have transpired. This book is something else entirely, a collection of stories, none of which seem even remotely plausible, but all of which I absolutely believe in every fiber of my being.

The accounts are insane, painting pictures too strange to be anything but lunacy. That's exactly what I thought when I read the slightly faded, but still legible text, mostly in English, although an older English than what we speak now, with some Latin sections thrown in. It is not a traditional book with cover page and a title. While the cover says "THE BOOK OF EIBON" the first page inside puts that title into Latin: Liber Ivonis.

The stories involve a wizard, the titular Eibon, going on various adventures across the stars, and speaking the truths that we have so far refused to accept. The Vale of Pnath is covered in detail, as are the horrors found within. I read about the terrible dread worms, dholes, that seek pathways through the vale, often eating each other and themselves. They would like to feast on the dead more than anything else, but few venture to that place anymore. Who knows where the Vale of Pnath even is?

I do.

There are maps.

There are also night-gaunts there. I saw a rough drawing of one.

I will never sleep again. Closing my eyes, I can see their faceless faces, their utter silence, and their unending pursuit. They know.

They know.

Shaggai. I don't even want to speak of that planet or its insect race. It is simply too terrible and alien to think about. I would rather dwell on other things than ever read that passage again.

The old ones. I cannot speak of them. And yet, in here, it says how to kill one. How to kill an old one. it is like killing a god. And in killing a god, one must also kill the universe. I can't read it again. I mustn't. Thoughts swirl around in my head, and the book dropped out of my hands, forever gone.

But I', being stalked now, stalked and searched by things that know I've read the forbidden texts. They are not forbidden because they simply should not be read. They are forbidden because there are things in this world that the human mind should never be able to comprehend, things in this world that are too dangerous, evil, or insane for the human mind to take into itself.

They ideas, these words, these very thoughts, they can change you. Not in a figurative sense but rather in a very literal way. I have started to grow large black wings. The alchemical knowledge I have gained scares me. My eyes grow dim. The light hurts my eyes. Even typing this now is more pain than I can easily handle. I move silently, and my mind is now always on something far away. A vale, perhaps, one that is empty besides those who also know. I should seek it out perhaps. I know where it is now.

The book may be gone. But I have gained so much from it... even though it has changed me in the process. My body and mind are different. I wonder, vaguely, what Eibon was.

But I cannot dwell on such things now. There are important things to do before everything is made ready. Oh, Tsathoggua, just wait. Soon there shall be an awakening like you have never known before.

Only a little bit longer.

And then...

Movie Appraisal: Mirrors (2008)

Mirrors is the American re-imagining (rather than a straight remake) of the South Korean film Into the Mirror, which I reviewed a few days ago. That movie, the South Korean one, was an absolutely brilliant film, full of both subtext and interesting moments that kept me both interested and intrigued from beginning to end. I enjoyed the subtlety of the movie, the intelligence of the film, and ultimately how it handled both the horror and the mystery of its story. Mirrors is an incredibly different film, taking very little from Into the Mirror besides a starting horror premise, a few select scenes, and the main character. Oh, and the ending, even though it doesn't make any sense for that ending to be there like it did in the South Korean film, where it was foreshadowed throughout. Ah well, let's get this thing started, shall we?

Directed by Alexandre Aja and starring Kiefer Sutherland literally just being Jack Bauer, it is a movie that doesn't know what it's trying to do, and also clearly doesn't understand the source material.

You know what? No. I won't even say that. Redact that. Take it back, and forget about it. This is a movie that kind of and sort of understands that Into the Mirror was a good movie, had some great scenes, had some great philosophy, and ultimately thought that an intelligent movie couldn't translate to American audiences. Because, ultimately the story feels forced. It feels like whole storylines were tacked on. It feels like the original intention of what the movie meant was put on the back-burner for gore effects, a relationship, and highlighting actors and actresses that literally did not know how to act.

I want to blame Aja here, but I feel it probably is a much deeper problem than just him. The film is directed competently. That's what I don't get. I don't get how it can be directed decently but written like a five year old trying to translate the original film. It's so simplistic, losing both subtlety and nuance until nothing is left of the original plot but scenes ripped straight from the Korean film.

If you read my synopsis of the plot of Into the Mirror, this plot is vaguely similar. Kiefer Sutherland plays Ben, a detective who shot someone (which never comes up again) and is off the force because of reasons. The only reason this backstory of the character is kept is so that Ben can grab up information from his old detective friend and be good at investigating THINGS and STUFF. It's so convenient it's stupid.

Ultimately the first half of this movie is pretty solid. I liked it as an opposing way of telling the same (or a very similar) story. Large sections of the first half involve Kiefer Sutherland alone and dealing with hallucinations in mirrors in a burnt out department store where he works as a night security guard. I like this a bit as it owns a different kind of story than the Korean film. And, in all honesty, I found the reopening of the department store in that movie to be pretty overdone and a little silly at times.

This movie sticks with a mystery premise, but instead of crime and money being at play here, we instead get demons and a psychiatric hospital. And mostly we get a psychomanteum (a room with all the walls being mirrors). And that's the big difference. It's primarily an Americanized difference. Of course the old department store was built over a psychiatric hospital where the patients all killed one another. THAT'S OBVIOUS.

The Americanization stuck out to me like a sore thumb. The gore, the relationship pieces of the plot, and the complete disregard for the source material really showed me how much I sometimes can loathe these remakes. While this one had its moments, there were times when I was literally seething with anger watching this movie. And I guess I should get into why.

Gratuitous gore? Did I mention there was gratuitous gore? Holy shit, do I have to mention that. All of the gore scenes are hard to watch (all two of them). My bile was rising when Amy Smart's reflection (Amy Smart playing Angie, the sister of Kiefer Sutherland's Ben) decided to pull apart her own jaw. I don't know what the point of that scene was unless it was just there to horrify, in which case, sure, it succeeded. I was made uncomfortable and creeped out by the scenes. I just don't know quite what the artistic merits of that scene were supposed to be. I assume there were none, and it was all about just being as scary as possible- even though the CGI effects were both obvious and somewhat poorly done at times. I kind of wish there would have been more gore in the film, if only so the movie would have had a second half that might have been scary or interesting in the slightest. Alas though, why would the gore continue in the second half?

Another gripe I have is that the ghosts from Into the Mirror (or the reflections or whatever you want to call them) simply didn't attack innocent people. They went after the guilty, those who were involved in murder, covering up a murder, or refusing to compensate victims of the arson. The victims all were guilty of a terrible crime or two, with none of them being upstanding citizens being punished by the spirit in the mirror. But this film has the innocents being punished, which seems to literally go against the premise of the initial film, and maybe go against what ghosts are supposed to be. Then again, Mirrors doesn't have a ghost in it. It just has a weird mirror-bound demon that somehow can go into any mirror without explanation. It's really dumb and nonsensical and completely tears aside the plotting and well-thought out pieces of the original. I could just keep saying that. This movie doesn't live up to the original. It's not a good movie. It insults the original by existing.

Shots are way overdone. Wow. While there is a focus on artistic shooting at times, the shots become overwhelming in this simple horror film. In the beginning of the film they kind of work a bit, but eventually they just start taking the focus away from the interesting bits of the story, and focus instead on the most obvious. There are some pretty well done shots though, again in the first half of the film, like Ben going down the stairs his first night as a watchman in the burnt out store or some of the night shots in the department store. Amy Smart's death was also quite well done, as is the subsequent reveal of her death to Kiefer. That was the final good shot in the movie though, and with the second half focusing more on Ben's family than the story, the good shots fell aside, replaced instead with insipid dialogue and vacuous scenes.

There is no subtlety here, just jump scares galore, something I am less than fond of. It takes the creeping menace of the Korean film and completely dumbs it down to something that is very American in its horror. It does this rather than focus on character moments and dimensions of the horror universe that we see. Instead the focus is on set-pieces, jumps scares, and long scenes with nothing really happening. The mystery of the movie has disappeared, replaced instead by dumb moments of what I believe the filmmakers think of as "psychological horror." Even more egregious are the times when characters simply come out and say the obvious for the benefit (and only the benefit) of the audience, who they think must be far too stupid to understand what their brilliance is trying to say. "Water creates reflections." No, I would have never guessed that. I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED. It's not obvious to me at all. It needed to be stated in my directed as if I were a simple baby-child who has never heard languages spoken before. In fact maybe I'm not even a human at all, but an insect-person who does not understand your simple language or the subtleties of performance. This is why I need things stated at me. I need the relationship between Kiefer and his estranged wife because I wouldn't understand a story about a man searching through a department store for ghosts if he also weren't successful at one point and had a romantic interest. I needed the relationship because if he didn't have one, I simply wouldn't understand. I would be lost and confused. A single man? A single man in MY MOVIE that I AM WATCHING? I simply can't handle that. It's too much. I'm about to have a breakdown.

The relationship is the biggest failure of the movie, and also the largest original addition to it. I can't begin to state how much I loathe it, how much I despise it, and how much it shouldn't be there. Taking that out takes out a big problem with this movie, the problem of Americanization of a great premise. A straight remake would have made too much sense... and obviously would have been too intelligent for audiences here. And that's why all the philosophy and interesting concepts are dumbed down or removed entirely and why a relationship is added and horror and terror are taken away. This movie is designed to appeal to everyone, and instead it is mediocre at best and forgettable even on a good day.

Kid actors are terrible. I have to mention that because nearly all of the actors besides Kiefer and the brief appearance by Jason Flemyng as Ben's detective friend are universally awful. The child actors are especially horrid to behold, but even Paula Patton as Ben's wife Amy and Amy Smart are terrible. Their acting makes me want to cringe. And with Kiefer doing his best jack Bauer impersonation, he isn't much better. The thing is, at least he seems to be trying. He has enough charisma to make up for a bad plot or bad writing or whatever. Feature him throughout this movie and it might work. Feature other uninteresting and bland character whose actors can't act, and the movie falls apart. And that's exactly what happened. The plot with the family of Ben is completely superfluous to the actual plot. It being added into the story makes the story feel very bloated and frankly boring in response. The end of the movie feels like two different movies are playing out at the same time. And that is simply unacceptable for me.

When the ending comes around, and the mirror ghosts are just demon(s) and Kiefer Sutherland kidnaps a nun-

Wait.

Give me a second.





...



I need a moment to collect my thoughts.

Thoughts collected.

Did Kiefer Sutherland just kidnap a nun? Is this movie seriously culminating in Jack Bauer kidnapping a nun? This is literally the best movie. I take everything back. Nun kidnapping makes this movie more unique and greater than anything else. Every movie should involve the protagonist kidnapping a nun. I know Indiana Jones would have been miles better if he had been kidnapping nuns instead of fighting the Nazis.

I don't know what else to say. The nun gets possessed and Jack Bauer kills the demonified nun to death, in the process rehashing the ending of Into the Mirror without a fundamental understanding of that film. And that's it. I have a bad taste in my mouth. So, I want to wrap this review up.

Mirrors has its moments. At times it can almost be a decent film. The first half isn't terrible. Hell, it's almost good at times. The gore, although outrageous, was also quite creepy, effective at putting me into a creeped out mindset. The problems though, are too many to name, even though I certainly named quite a few. Comparing this movie to Into the Mirror will just make you sad. I suppose on its own it might be serviceable at times, but ultimately I think it fails as both a horror movie and an interesting one. I found the plot far too bloated, the story silly and over dumb at times, the characters flat and uninteresting, and the mirror possessions nonsensical. It is a movie that is fascinating though, in a way, because it shows how a movie can be bastardized to something sick and twisted for American audiences. I do not recommend this movie. Stick with the original Korean film.

Mirrors is a real stinker even with its few good scenes.

Goosebumps Review: Say Cheese and Die!

One picture is worth a thousand screams.

So, here is yet another Goosebumps book, the fourth in the series. It is based on The Twilight Zone  episode "A Most Unusual Camera" written by Rod Serling. Its premise is simple: there is a camera and it takes pictures of the future. There is a more complex plot hidden under there, but, put simply, the camera is evil, it takes evil pictures. It makes the people who have their pictures taken have a terrible fate, up to and including death.

This is the first Goodebumps book with an actual human dying within it. In this case it is the mad scientist, Spidey, or Dr. Fredericks as the ending reveals him as. He actually dies in this book, and his death is described in detail, something I don't remember and was not expecting. That was kind of shocking, even though the book itself really isn't at all.

Say Cheese and Die! was released in November 1992, and is very different from the three earlier books in the series. While all of those books draw heavily upon the childhood fears of moving, being abandoned, and having a parental figure be too busy for their child, this book has very different kinds of fears brought out. These aren't fears that the children can't control. Instead they have full control over the impetus of the plot. They didn't have to break into an abandoned house. They didn't have to steal the camera. They didn't have to take pictures with it. They didn't have to play with the fire of the pictures even after they knew they were playing with fire. And they didn't need to return it to the crazy and creepy old scientist just so he could try to "keep" them there "forever." (That's the plot by the way. Yes, that paragraph is the entire plot. You're welcome.)

Because the plot is driven by the kids, specifically Greg and Shari, the main characters here, the fears are a little different. Yes, Shari goes missing, which is a big deal within the story, and a big deal to the readers themselves. A kid disappearing is a terrifying and horrible thing, and while it isn't mentioned so much here, it is a much scarier thing (and a much more real thing) to have happen than a supernatural camera taking evil pictures. I get the feeling that Shari's disappearance is the main point of the book- well, kidnapping in general since that seems to be what Spidey wants to do as well. The point seems to be that kids can get into trouble and disappear or get taken quite easily if they do the wrong things.

So, ultimately this book doesn't seem to be lighthearted or childish at all. It seems pretty serious and very dark. While I like the idea of Shari disappearing into nowhere because and evil camera stole her soul, I really find it surprising that R. L. Stine could even get that kind of content into a book for young children. I mean, the whole book is basically a big warning for them. It's not about the story. It's about the consequences of silly or stupid actions.

While there is some horror here, I wouldn't exactly call it gripping. In fact, I would call this book the least character-driven of the books I've reviewed so far. Each character introduced is a cardboard cut-out, which is not a terrible thing here since the important point isn't character or plot but rather the message. I guess the whole evil camera story doesn't really interest me. It seems like a one-trick pony. Yes, I know there's at least one sequel to this book, but I have no idea how this can stay interesting.

For what it's worth, I liked this book a decent amount. It was focused and to the point. There are genuine emotions within it and some decent writing besides. It's a little too convenient for my taste at times though, and the moral can be pretty heavy-hitting. I think it's an okay read, forgettable, but it doesn't do anything really wrong. It's mostly just there.

As a kid I wasn't really into this book. I read it maybe once or twice at absolute most, and remembered literally nothing about it except for the picture (a dream the character Greg has) on the cover of the book. It is probably the most memorable piece of the book, as Greg dreams of his family of skeletons. Because I remember so little of this book, I don't really have much to talk about. It's very dry at times, and I doubt I'll remember it much once I finish this review either. Although it is one of the first books in the series, it is a bit of a dud, being more mediocre than good, and more idea than horror. I do like kids doing what kids do only to get in a ton of trouble of their own making, but I also tend to like more interesting and grandiose horror from R. L. Stine.

I can't recommend this book because it simply isn't interesting enough to really get into. Reading a summary gives about as much information from the story as actually reading it. And reading it feels like eating lettuce, simply empty calories for your brain. I'm probably being a little harsh, but after the headiness of the third Cheerleaders book, this one is a bit of a letdown. Then again, the next book, The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb was always one of my favorite early books in the series. So, I'm looking forward to that one being as awesome as I remember.

Movie Appraisal: Into the Mirror (Geoul sokeuro) (거울 속으로) (2003)

Into the Mirror is a South Korean horror film that has a simple premise but a complicated, and brilliant, execution. I think I will always say that Asian horror around the early to mid-2000s was the pinnacle of the horror genre. Something about the way both South Korean and Japanese horror movies told stories during this period of time put them heads over any other type of horror in almost any other period in history. Into the Mirror strengthens my resolve in these thoughts even though it is not the scariest film ever. Instead it is a very intelligent horror film, taking from both psychology and philosophy to evoke a film that is absolutely worthy of both memory and emulation.

The movie is about the secret world of mirrors and what lies within every and all mirrors. It's about the idea that the world is split in twain, that there is another world, equal and opposite to this one, beyond that slab of reflective glass. The premise is exciting on its own, but the execution of the story is also masterful. The way the shots of the film are done is literally gripping unto itself. I could watch the shots that you think are simply the actors but turn out to be the actors in a mirrored surface all day long. So cool.

Speaking of the actors, the three main characters are something to behold: a chief of security who  used to be a hot-shot cop until he failed to save his partner in a hostage negotiation named Wu Young-min, the awesome violent crimes detective named Ha Hyun-su, and a mental patient woman with a love of mirrors named Lee Ji-Huyn. These three characters are at the center of a mysterious world of mirrors as well as a plethora of mysterious deaths connected to a department store.

This is more than a mere ghost story, although on the surface that is all this movie truly is. Yes, there seems to be a ghost, but even that is merely smoke and (ha ha) mirrors. It is much more about the two sides of every person, and, in my opinion, it shows that when two major choices or outcomes are put out there, either has a chance of happening. So, when Young-min failed to kill the hostage taker at the beginning of the movie, another Young-min in the mirror world did kill him and save the partner. I know that sounds kind of silly, but the movie makes it work really well despite the odd premise.

I liked the symbolism a great deal. I like how the story played out. I liked how most of the movie was a mystery to be solved. I liked how all the main characters grew over the course of the narrative, especially Ha Hyun-su. It was a unique movie idea, something I have never seen before. Certainly it could be compared to One Missed Call or Ringu, other movies that make a mundane thing into something terrifying. Taking a simple videotape, a cell phone, or a mirror and making those things into something that can and should be feared is an art. It is something that is brilliant. These are things we see all the time, and making them into something horrific makes the world a much more interesting place, I think.

I don't know. I don't have much to say about the story. It's solid and really good to watch. The acting is good. The imagery of the film is seriously great some of the time but also a little stale some of the time. The scenes that take place in the department store alone without the mirror effects or scares do seem to be a little sterile and dry when they appear. They're never boring, but those scenes don't jump out like the more interesting scenes certainly do. When the mirror effects happen or some of the more biting scenes of the movie are at hand, the movie is seriously brilliant in the way it is shown.

To put it mildly, I enjoyed this film very much. I think it's solid all around. A weird like that I had was the little musical jungles that sometimes happen during the movie. I have no idea why, but I really got a kick out of them. They worked for me quite well. The last moment of the movie was also great. It made my jaw drop just a little despite myself. I thought it was a great Twilight Zone-esque moment, one worthy of the great horror moments. And no, I won't spoil it because it really is that good.

I bought this film in a five dollar bundle of the Mirrors movies, and to me this movie alone is worth that. I recommend this film wholeheartedly. It is worth the watch even if the movie isn't the best literally all of the time. It has enough great moments to be something special. The horror is somewhat tame, and the gore effects are sometimes a little silly, but it is effective in its atmosphere. Although I was never really all that creeped out with the movie, I did find it endlessly fascinating from an intellectual standpoint. It's a good movie for a dark and spooky night. And I had a great time watching it.

Fear Street Review: Cheerleaders: The Third Evil

Fight, fight, fight or die, die, die!

It's Back!

Well, I guess R. L. Stine learned from his mistake of a second book of this series and hit a homerun with this one. I know it sounds a little odd for a grown man to be praising a teenage horror book, but you do have to remember that these are from my childhood and that I actually have really fond memories of them despite their corniness. And yes, this book is actually quite good all the way around. While it never quite hits the powerful moments that the first book in this series does, it still hits some great notes.

Unlike the second book which had no ultimate point except for killing off Chip, having the evil possess Kimmy, and telling the backstory of Sara Fear, this book has a greta deal more to say. First of all, it touches back on those social issues from the book. Yes, it does it in a very different way with completely different issues, but it still hits those points. And what are those points? Well, jealousy, friendship, trust, and teamwork just to name a few. See, the second book should have hit upon the emotional issues of loss, mourning, and dealing with grief for the teenager. Instead it failed at all of that, but we seem to get a decent amount of those issues in this book as well, which is a little crazy since this is a pretty short book to pack all of that into.

I think this is one of the most interesting R. L. Stine books I've reviewed so far (and may be one of the most interesting I review period). It twists both the story and reality to its own devices, so that you're never certain what's happening and what isn't happening until the reveal. Even moreso, the twist also involves emotional impact, something this series had been lacking throughout the second book and the first half of this one.

Anyway, there's a lot to say, and I want to get the ball rolling, so let's do this thing.

"Corky stared inside Bobbi's head. And gasped.

In the darkness the inside of  Bobbi's skull appeared to pulsate and throb. But Corky's eyes adjusted quickly to the pale light, and she saw what was moving in there." 

The story starts out yet again with Corky, this time part of the cheerleading squad and relatively happy. It's been a while since everything went down in the last book, and a new cheerleader, Hannah, has joined their ranks. The problem is that everybody thinks that Hannah is a showoff, so much so that most of the girls do not like her very much. At the same time, there is a cheerleading camp the girls are going to, and that promises to be interesting.

There's not much I can really say about the first half of this book. It's pretty dry, mostly there to set up things later in the book rather than to really be terrifying (or crazy interesting) right away. That being said, the story here is more interesting than the last book already. The writing is much better, and there are no mystery people or graveyard visitors or weird anti-mournings going on. Corky seems to have adjusted to her life in Shadyside pretty well, becoming fast friends with the girls on the cheerleading squad, especially Debra and Kimmy. I mean, that's what's basically established in the first half of the book, that and the fact that the girls don't like Hannah all that much.

The only real issue here is that Corky keeps dreaming of her sister opening her skull and showing her what's inside. These dreams are pretty well done and establish early on that something isn't quite right, although, we, as the readers, have no idea what's wrong yet.

"Hannah is doomed." 

We see Corky become afraid of the other cheerleaders again, suspecting them of possibly being possessed. We see all the motions of what Corky was worrying about in the last book. Once the girls get to the cheerleading camp, the issues start cropping up again. Accidents and sick pranks start occurring. Hannah's braid is cut off, a girl on another team is tripped and breaks some teeth, and Corky and Kimmy are suspected of basically hazing Hannah because of jealousy or a dislike of her. Corky believes that Kimmy is to blame, that perhaps the evil never truly left.

And that's when the story gets interesting. The jealousy is an important part of the story. Corky feels alone. She's feels afraid of losing the small bonds of friendship that she has made over the course of the year. She is ultimately afraid of being alone again, without even a sister to fall back upon as a friend. I know this is a much more supernatural story than those explanations, but those explanations also still hold. Her fears as a teenage girl are important to her. She feels like she could be replaced with Hannah, forgotten about, thrown aside like trash. And she hates that feeling. She is afraid of that feeling. There doesn't need to be supernatural evil spirits to see the darkness and horror of what high school can be, and how fleeting friends sometimes feel.

"Red then black. Red then black.

She shut her eyes, but the flashing colors continued on her eyelids.

The roar in her ears grew louder.

She thought she heard laughter, evil laughter, somewhere far away."

The twist though, is that Kimmy, although she is acting odd and strangely suspicious, is not to blame for anything. Shockingly, Corky is to blame. It was the old unreliable narrator trick! Oh, man! But here it works. It's good. The jealousy and hatred she seems to be feeling, the dreams of Bobbi, and her odd thoughts and antics at times point to her own possession by an evil spirit. It could all be seen as a metaphorical possession. I could certainly work on that hypothesis. Mostly though, she is possessed by a murderous evil and has to find out how to control it or how to kill it.

I think this is when the story enters into its best territory. Corky leaves her companionship behind, distancing herself from her friends to save them. The evil goes after what she doesn't like, who she has issues with. It targets and tries to kill those people she is annoyed by. So, she becomes antisocial for the most part, taking away the very thing she certainly craved so much in the first half of this book and the other two books as well.

I have to say that the evil within plot here is done very well. Her conversations with the evil, her trying to find out how to defeat it using the past memories of its possessed victims, and her tenacity to fight it really drive home Corky's character that was barely defined at all in the first two books. She becomes both interesting and her own person through this book. Her fighting spirit, and sometimes even her cowardice as much as her courage, shape the reality of her character. I guess I find it really well done, especially for a glorified kid's book. There is meaning here in between the lines, and, to me, that makes the book and the series worth it.

"I'm going to vomit forever. Forever! Corky thought, her entire body trembling as the green gas spewed out." 

There is some horrific imagery in the last third of the book, specifically Corky's inability to control herself. She spews forth "putrid smelling" green gas from inside of herself, becomes a bit unhinged with and without the evil spirit controlling her, and dives into her subconscious mind for a good long while trying to figure out what to do about the whole possession thing. It may not sound "scary," but to her it very much is. Losing control of one's body to a foreign entity is a terrifying prospect, and Corky's worst fears are realized. She can do nothing to save herself except (as she finds out) to die with the evil inside of her as Sara Fear did nearly a century ago.

To me the flashback is very well done. It's probably the only thing that the second book set up that actually is worth anything at all. Corky, for a time, is reliving Sara Fear's last moments alive, seeing her decision to kill herself and take the evil with her. Because, unlike what the last line of the second book stated, the evil can be drowned, but only if the person possessed is willing to die first. I like this a lot, and obviously so did R. L. Stine. He focuses on Corky's fear of death and her willingness to both die and balk at death very well. She doesn't want to die, but she has to die to save the others. But she doesn't want to die.

To me this shows the nature of not only a teenage girl, but of humanity as well. It is a very human response to fear death, to fear suicide, and to ultimately want to save others when you can prevent terrible things from happening. The problem is that Corky isn't strong enough to stop what the evil wants to do. She can't kill herself yet, and so the evil goes after Debra and fails because of bad timing. Then it goes after Kimmy, and we see something interesting. It isn't the scene with Kimmy that's interesting here, but rather the way the evil operates. We can imagine that in the previous books with Jennifer and then Kimmy being possessed, it probably acted very similarly, isolated victims and trying to make the deaths accidental rather than clearly murderous. It's interesting to see both intent and a modus operandi. I like that. And I also like that this is how it probably operated in the past as well.

"A grin spread over Corky's face as she stood, hands on hips, and watched Kimmy plunge to her death."  

Corky is the worst killer by the way. She killed fewer people than Kimmy or a dead girl. Just remember that. It's kind of sad actually. I assume it's because the girls are more careful and because Corky is actually fighting pretty hard against the evil spirit. Sure, Corky tries to kill Kimmy, but she fails. Yes, despite that quotation up there, Kimmy actually survives being pushed off of a cliff to her death in the waters below. Kimmy is hardcore. The thing is that Corky isn't. She's the one that actually dies here.

"I'm choking. I'm going to die.

But I don't want to die.

I want to live!

I can't drown. I can't die!

I have to live. I have to!

But I can't. I have no choice.

I have made my choice.

To die!"

Yes, believe it or not, R. L. Stine actually kills off the main character yet again! And in water again too! It's kind of crazy actually, but also incredibly well-written. Corky basically sacrifices herself to save those she cares about- her friends and her family. She wants to end the evil spirit once and for all, and if her death is the only way to do that than despite her conflict about death and life, she is willing and does sacrifice herself for the greater cause of killing something truly evil.

Corky drowning is actually quite poignant, written in a very high tone throughout. It works as a beautiful image of a strong girl doing what she needs to do. I like it a great deal. Believe it or not, this is how female empowerment is written. Sure, Corky is a cheerleader, but not once is there oversexualization or a reliance on a relationship. She doesn't need to be protected by some guy nor does she ever cry out for her crush to come and save her. She relies on herself to see this through to whatever bitter end there will be.

I know R. L. Stine was primarily writing for a female audience, but this is actually fantastic. This isn't Twlight with a girl being literally defined by who she wants to love. It's not a supernatural romance. It's not her running around and screaming and crying because she's frightened. I can't focus enough on how this is all about Corky coming into her own, being the hero of her own tale, a true hero of the ages, sacrificing herself against both evil and horror.

And winning.

"And then Corky drowned. She felt as if she were shrinking.

Shrinking until she was nothing but a tiny acorn floating in the water. Then a dot. A lifeless dot. She knew the evil spirit had shrunk too.

And knowing this, she died."

Because of course, she has to die. She has to die to defeat the evil.

While this book is never truly horrific nor ever truly scary, it piques emotions that aren't often brought out in simple teenage stories. You want Corky to survive because she goes through so much hell. Her character has emerged like a butterfly from a cocoon only to see her drown and thus die before she can truly spread her wings. I know this is a horror review for an October Night, but the horror here, possession, is so far removed from what the horror of this story truly is. Corky's death doesn't matter as much as her emergence from possession by society and by the evil spirit. Dying shows that she has thrown off the shackles and finally learned what life truly is about.

In many ways the spirit could have been removed from this story entirely, showing more of a young woman coping with high school, expectations, jealousy, and hatred. The evil could easily be her own evil being intensified, and I'm sure that that was what was meant. it works too well to be a simple coincidence.

I'm probably saying too much and reading way too much into this, but there are such beautiful words and images in the last few chapters of this book that I have a hard time not speaking at length about it.

"The evil faded, then disappeared. Washed away forever in the rain-stirred brown river current."

And with that death, Corky's death, so too does the evil die.

Yes, Corky is saved by Kimmy (who didn't die), and with her being saved the world is a better place. Yes, people died because of the evil spirit, but with it gone somehow and (ha ha) finally, there is a brightness in the story despite the image of rain hanging over them. They have survived. They have persevered. And mostly, they have transcended the spirit world and become something more, if only for a moment.

The Third Evil

Well, R. L. Stine wrote an amazing "ending" to the trilogy here. While there are two other book in the series, this really does end this powerhouse of a horror trilogy. The book is a little lesser on its own, but as the final piece of a trilogy, it works incredibly well. It is effective in what it does and how it uses the set-ups from the previous books to make a payoff that works incredibly well.

This book doesn't have the iconic images that the other books do have though. There are no deaths here (besides Corky's temporary death), and while that works within the narrative, it does take away from the memorable moments. Besides the Bobbi dream I didn't remember anything about this book at all despite reading it quite a lot as a kid. See, the first book has Bobbi's death which is both tragic, hard-hitting, and tough to stomach. It comes out of nowhere and is iconic because of how abruptly it happens. The second book, although basically terrible has Chip's death, which, for me, is one of the most iconic deaths I read in my early life. Something about the saw cutting off his hand and him lying there bleeding to death in shock really hit me hard. It's something I remembered very well throughout my life. This book doesn't have those images, but what it does have is a great narrative about jealousy, anger, hatred, and perseverance.

Corky comes into her own character, becoming nearly as strong of a character as Bobbi was. She sacrifices herself, dies, and is reborn without evil. And the way it happens is so well-written that it's pretty spooky. The cheerleading camp is telling, showing a darker side of Corky than we had ever seen before, even before we knew she had the evil spirit inside of her. She isn't bland here, but amazingly resourceful even in her own weakness at times. I like that, her being both human and hero. It makes the whole story come together. Both sisters, the main characters of this trilogy, dying in water, and both being reborn in a way, Bobbi being a spirit of good, and Corky living in the end.

I really like this book. It has a lot to offer even if you have to read the second book to get a lot of it. The convenient characters are gone, replaced by Corky's own resourcefulness, and while the other cheerleaders don't factor in the story as much as previous books, the focus on Corky as a character (especially as a character I thought was bland and uninteresting before this book) really worked well. I'm glad it ended up working that way.

There is some horror to be had here, even if it is kind of heady horror. I think the book has a very psychological slant to it that makes it fascinating and not a slasher story so much as a possession story with a twist. I don't know. I think it's a fitting book for itself and for the series. I liked it quite a bit and recommend it completely for everybody to read even if it is a horror book and series for teenage girls. It's good and worthy of a look. This is one of my favorite horror series, and while the second book wasn't great, the series itself wasn't disappointing. I was glad to read through them all again.

Anyway, that will be the last Cheerleaders book for a while. We'll get to another eventually, but that seriously could be years from now. So, let's enjoy this decent little trilogy and see where we go from here...